Hosting judging other hosts...regarding house rules
Apr 24, 2017 17:57:44 GMT
beautifularizona likes this
Post by High Priestess on Apr 24, 2017 17:57:44 GMT
Hosts judging other hosts, regarding their house rules...
Have you ever felt judged, by other hosts, regarding the way you run your house, or your business?
There was a post recently on another host community group, that ended up being closed, where a host had an issue with a guest who violated her house rule regarding no visitors. A surprising number of hosts were making judgemental comments about this hosts' house rule that stipulated no visitors. Yet, as this host pointed out, many hosts have this rule --- I do, and I know several of you do -- as this issue has arisen many times in the host community and we've all talked about it.
What interests me here, is the amount of judging that is going on, by other hosts, regarding how a particular person wants to run her house. I have actually seen this type of judgementalism many times in the host community, over several years in a variety of groups, and typically it has to do with just this issue --- a certain host has house rules that some regard as "too strict" or "too many", and the judging commences. The host is told that they "should relax" or "lighten up a bit", or "you don't have to be so confrontational" , and essentially others are trying to impose their own values on the host.
I have seen this happen so often, that 2 or 3 weeks ago I was thinking of writing a blog about it, and now after seeing the post on that other group, that motivates me even more to write about this. In particular, I find it ironic that some (not all but some) of those who are judging other hosts, are themselves often strong advocates of being non-discriminatory towards guests, and being tolerant of all kinds of different people -- as has been shown by their comments about the discrimination issue and their denunciation of "bigots" etc. So how is it that those who advocate tolerance can end up being intolerant of someone else's way of running their home? Which is after all, a very personal arrangement.
What is your experience with this? I am curious about whether any of you have felt judged for the way you run your house or your listing -- either because your rules are "strict", or for any other reason.
Also...what's the role of gender in this issue?
I have to wonder too, about the extent to which there is a cultural tendency to demonize women who try to control their own spaces. To what extent are women viewed as "unreasonable" when they say no to men, who we may be (subconsciously ) perceiving as the "reasonable" one in the situation...particularly if the woman mentions strong emotions, like "shaking with anger"...might we be inclined (even if just subconsciously) to dismiss her as "hysterical"?
I think it could be enlightening for many of us to try out a thought experiment. In the actual case the guest was a man and the host was female, the guest was out of line but hosts were siding with him as if he were the more reasonable one, the female host was "shaking" and was criticized.
Now suppose we imagine that the host in this particular case was a man, and the guest a demanding woman, who demanded the right to bring her daughter in. If the host didnt' get upset, but remained calm, simply saying "no, I'm sorry, you should've booked elsewhere for that" and the guest was the one who got most upset and was "shaking", I have a feeling many would call the male host 'reasonable" and the female guest "hysterical."
Point being, I think there's a level of sexism that we *might* be bringing as we view these kinds of situations.
Have you ever felt judged, by other hosts, regarding the way you run your house, or your business?
There was a post recently on another host community group, that ended up being closed, where a host had an issue with a guest who violated her house rule regarding no visitors. A surprising number of hosts were making judgemental comments about this hosts' house rule that stipulated no visitors. Yet, as this host pointed out, many hosts have this rule --- I do, and I know several of you do -- as this issue has arisen many times in the host community and we've all talked about it.
What interests me here, is the amount of judging that is going on, by other hosts, regarding how a particular person wants to run her house. I have actually seen this type of judgementalism many times in the host community, over several years in a variety of groups, and typically it has to do with just this issue --- a certain host has house rules that some regard as "too strict" or "too many", and the judging commences. The host is told that they "should relax" or "lighten up a bit", or "you don't have to be so confrontational" , and essentially others are trying to impose their own values on the host.
I have seen this happen so often, that 2 or 3 weeks ago I was thinking of writing a blog about it, and now after seeing the post on that other group, that motivates me even more to write about this. In particular, I find it ironic that some (not all but some) of those who are judging other hosts, are themselves often strong advocates of being non-discriminatory towards guests, and being tolerant of all kinds of different people -- as has been shown by their comments about the discrimination issue and their denunciation of "bigots" etc. So how is it that those who advocate tolerance can end up being intolerant of someone else's way of running their home? Which is after all, a very personal arrangement.
What is your experience with this? I am curious about whether any of you have felt judged for the way you run your house or your listing -- either because your rules are "strict", or for any other reason.
Also...what's the role of gender in this issue?
I have to wonder too, about the extent to which there is a cultural tendency to demonize women who try to control their own spaces. To what extent are women viewed as "unreasonable" when they say no to men, who we may be (subconsciously ) perceiving as the "reasonable" one in the situation...particularly if the woman mentions strong emotions, like "shaking with anger"...might we be inclined (even if just subconsciously) to dismiss her as "hysterical"?
I think it could be enlightening for many of us to try out a thought experiment. In the actual case the guest was a man and the host was female, the guest was out of line but hosts were siding with him as if he were the more reasonable one, the female host was "shaking" and was criticized.
Now suppose we imagine that the host in this particular case was a man, and the guest a demanding woman, who demanded the right to bring her daughter in. If the host didnt' get upset, but remained calm, simply saying "no, I'm sorry, you should've booked elsewhere for that" and the guest was the one who got most upset and was "shaking", I have a feeling many would call the male host 'reasonable" and the female guest "hysterical."
Point being, I think there's a level of sexism that we *might* be bringing as we view these kinds of situations.