Post by High Priestess on Oct 10, 2016 16:21:17 GMT
Can you share your HOUSE RULES for long-term guests?
Francesca shared on HOsting 911 8 months ago
Can you share your HOUSE RULES for long-term guests?
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice about handling disrespectful long-term guests. I'm working on being more authoritative and I'm writing my HOUSE RULE BOOK and was hoping to get some ideas from other hosts that specialize in long-term rentals. Mine tend to be college or medical students, which is now presenting issues dealing with politeness, cleanliness, following rules and entitlement.
Now that I've gone from 2 rooms to 4 rooms, I'm finding I really need to make very detailed written rules so that when they don't follow them I can have recourse.
I've tried going to other hosts sites, but their rule books aren't available unless I book. So, if possible, could you paste it here? Or send it to me as a message?
Thank you so much!
Francesca
PS. I couldn't post my comments on the last one because my iPad lost that function! Hopefully they'll fix that.
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Terry & Cher
Dajana
Terry & Cher
Terry & Cher8 months ago
Hi Francesca! I am new to Airbnb, but not being a landlady and can understand your frustration. We cannot prepare for everything, however try and cut out as much ambiguity as possible. With that being said, I have not read your listing yet.
Please take a look at my house rules. Yes, you will have to do this from a computer. You can get the gist by searching other hosts on this forum as well. Consider the specific matters you'd like to cover in yours.
When you say "issues dealing with politeness, cleanliness, following rules and entitlement....", what are the specifics? Also, you must be prepared to enforce the rules by documented reminders, confrontation, contacting CX if needed to rehome violators.
An experienced Airbnb host named Deborah also has some wonderful link. I may have saved them and will post once they're located
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Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
What is CX?
Lisa Myshall
Lisa Myshall8 months ago
I believe it's Customer Service:-)
Jeannette
Jeannette8 months ago
Ha! My house rule is that I don't take 'em.
Reply Like 5 likes
Mig
Mig8 months ago
Francesca, join new host forum. Deborah the moderator has very comprehensive house rules that you can copy and paste to suit your needs. Happy hosting
Reply Like 2 likes
Allison
Allison8 months ago
I was going to point you in the direction of Deborah's listing, too. I think she does a lot of individual person hosting and has some house rules to keep small coalitions of people from taking over the house.
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Susan
Susan8 months ago
I understand that this is a lucrative business model for you BUT long term rentals such as what you are doing makes you a Landlord and thus you will fall under the New York Tenant/Landlord rules and regulations. Tenants (your guests) can behave as they like as you cannot regulate a tenant's behavior other than for willful wanton destruction/neglect and/or failure to pay rent. Thus, your tenants (guests) may "treat" you as they wish and conduct themselves as they wish in your premises. You are, in effect, operating a boarding house and I would suggest that you further explore your city's regulations regarding boarding houses/landlord requirements etc. I doubt very much that you could write/enforce any House Rules that deal with behavioral situations (other than safety and security). Good luck on this....
Reply Like 1 reply•1 like
Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Thanks! BTW, I'm not in NY - I'm in NJ.
Deborah
Hi
Yes, as others have mentioned I do have some house rules that I will share, but first I will point you to two posts I wrote to help new hosts in particular get oriented around some of these issues with guests:
My posts on tips for new hosts
www.airbnb.com/groups/content/content-116888
(That thread no longer accessible due to closure of old hosts groups -- now find it here: globalhosting.freeforums.net/thread/185/tips-new-hosts)
My post on red flags for hosts
www.airbnb.com/groups/content/content-94737
(That thread now not accessible due to closure of old host groups....now find here:
globalhosting.freeforums.net/thread/187/red-flags-hosts)
SEcond, let me say that the problems of cleanliness, politeness, following rules and entitlement do tend to be problems with longer term guests, more so than shorter term ones, and yet I've really had all these problems with short term guests as well. I also would emphasize that the more rooms you rent in your house, the more your authority can get diminished simply by mere numbers -- guests can band together, and feel like it is really more "their" home because there are more of them.
REgarding what Susan says about how you can't regulate or have rules about a guests' behavior -- well you can actually have rules about this, but there is a valid point to be made about the difficulty enforcing such rules. Ideally, we all should be seeking for guests who are polite enough and respectful enough, that they would naturally do as we ask, and would apologize if they did somethign that wasn't allowed. We most definitely do not want the sort of people who will violate the rules and then blow us off when we tell them to please not do that. We don't want bullies in our homes, and we wont' have to have them. Part of the art of being either a landlord or host, is in the screening process, and trying to select the right renters, people who don't try to bully us or overrule us in our own home. And it can be done.
As for house rules, you actually can read any hosts' house rules without booking, it's only the house manual that you can't read without booking. It's very important that your guests be able to see your rules before booking, so that they know what they are agreeing to. SO you want to put your rules in the hosue rules section, not under house manual.
As far as house rules, here are mine. You'll note they are long. THis can be off-putting to some. However the problem created by having short rules, is that you aren't actually able to cover everything that needs to be covered, and then you are kicking yourself when a situation arises which needs to be addressed and could have been addressed. House rules are a work in progress for all of us I think.
In order to provide a rejuvenative, tranquil and retreat-like atmosphere for guests, as well as a healthy, comfortable and safe environment, the following are the rules of my house. It is your responsibility to not only read these rules once, but to be aware of and follow all of them throughout your stay at my home. Most of what follows is common sense or common courtesy. The rules serve to protect you as a guest by helping ensure that the environment you find here is the one that I intended to create.
Please keep in mind:
You will be sharing common areas with other guests, and thus the cleanliness of the common areas is far more dependent upon all guests cleaning up after themselves, than it is upon my once a week cleaning. Most guests do very well in keeping common areas clean!
House rules:
Kindly remove shoes upon entering the house. Please do not drag luggage up the front stairs.
Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the comforter cover from the comforter or the mattress protector from the mattress. Also, it should not be necessary to say, but since some guests have done this, I must add: please do not take any of my personal possessions out of my home for any reason.
No smoking or "vaping" of any substance inside or outside house, and please do not smoke on the sidewalk in front of the house as this results in dropped butts littering the street.
No pets/animals may be brought to my home. If you like animals, there are some in the backyard who enjoy being visited! Any guest who intends to bring an animal, MUST disclose this prior to booking. In the case of a guest who fails to disclose that they intend to bring an animal prior to making a reservation, and arrives with an animal, their reservation will not be honored and they will be turned away.
For the better health of all, this is a fragrance/chemical free environment --no fragrances --no perfumes/colognes, “air fresheners”, laundry soap with fragrance, fabric softeners, incense. Shampoo with fragrance is fine.
Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
Rooms come already furnished, and guests may not bring additional furniture. Guests may not bring a huge amount of belongings -- please limit yourself to 2-3 suitcases.
Please observe hours for laundry facilities.
When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes or food in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. You may NOT leave dishes in the sink/counter etc while you eat a meal in your room. If you like, use the bins I provide to put dirty dishes in and keep them in your own storage space and out of other's way, until you have time to wash them. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. Kitchen hours are 6am to 10pm: you may quietly retrieve snacks outside of these hours but no meal preparation outside of these hours. No heavy/greasy cooking in the kitchen. Please wipe off counters and stove when you are done with the kitchen. Please don't store your items anywhere but in your designated storage space, labeled with your room name, or they may be removed or discarded, as I will assume a departing guest has left them.
Please do not consume food or beverage in the bed as this can cause damage to linens. Dishes may not be stored in the guest bedrooms.
Do not leave personal belongings in common spaces when done with those areas. Each guest will have designated bath and kitchen storage areas for your own personal use.
AFter use of the bathtub/shower and sink, please clean out hair from the drain/floor area and sink area and make sure tub/shower is basically clean. Do not remove the drain screens from tub/sink as those help prevent clogs. Do not use hair dyes in tub/shower as this will cause damage to the facility.
Common areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to clean common areas after use and clean their own rooms during their stay. I cannot stand by the kitchen or bathroom 24/7 and clean up after others. Please do your part to clean, so that others don't complain to me about a situation that you have caused.
Longer term guests: in order to prevent the problem of stale, unpleasant odors emanating from rooms and into common spaces or other's rooms, room windows need to be opened periodically to air out the room. If stale odors become a problem, I will enter guest rooms to air out these spaces.
Rooms are single occupancy only, and guests may not bring any others to visit to my house, neither overnight or during the day. No exceptions will be made.
House quiet hours are 9pm to 8am, and laundry hours are 9am to 9pm. To help preserve the tranquil environment, please keep electronic players and/or voices down at all times, and do not have cellphone conversations in the house after 10pm to avoid disturbing others. No socializing in the house after 10pm.
Please use computers, radios, electronic players and cellphones in your room only and do not bring these into common areas.
Please always lock deadbolts of exterior doors when passing in/out through the doors.
If you have a bicycle, there is a bike storage area outside where you can put it: please do not bring bikes or additional furniture into rooms. Because bike storage space is limited, please ask me before bringing a bike to the house, as there may or may not be room for additional bikes. I do have a bike available for guests to use if an additional security deposit amount is paid to cover its potential loss. Bikes may not be parked/stored anywhere on the property except in bike storage area.
I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to say this, but because some guests have done this I have to say: you may not be present in my house in an intoxicated state. Neither I nor other guests at my house want to have to interact with an intoxicated person or have our sleep disrupted by someone who arrives drunk late at night. Persons who are intoxicated in my house will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
No mail may be received by guests at my home. I used to allow this but due to repeated abuse, I cannot allow this any longer. I get an enormous amount of mail for people who no longer live here. There are UPS and Fedex places nearby where you can receive mail. Unauthorized mail will be refused delivery and returned to the mail carrier.
Please exercise common sense and good judgement throughout your stay. Examples of not using good judgement: piling up dishes too high on dish rack, so they fall out onto the floor. Putting on makeup or hair gel and then lying down on my linens, thus damaging them.
Guest agrees to pay Host for damages or loss for any of Host's property damaged/lost by the Guest.
In order to save myself and my guests from trouble in the case of any guest refusing to follow house rules, significant violation of house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation, forfeiture of the total cost of reservation, and/or a $20 fee per incident.
When checking out, leave room door open, go out front door and lock exterior door, then place the keys in the mailbox. Note check out time of 11am. You must leave no later than checkout time.
I will orient you to the house when you arrive.
I look forward to meeting you!
Arbitration. All claims and disputes for total amounts greater than $5000, with the exception of Unlawful Detainer actions, arising under or relating to this Agreement are to be settled by Binding Arbitration in the state of California. An award of arbitration may be confirmed in a court of competent jurisdiction.
Reply Like 2 replies•4 likes
Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
Deborah, thank you for this! I have been hosting for only a month and have updates my house rules atleast 5 times. I see I'll have to do it again :-D
Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
*updated
Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Another thing to mention -- one strategy I use for screening guests is actually part of my house rules -- I don't allow guests to have any visitors, not overnight visitors, not daytime visitors, not visitors coming in for a few minutes. No one may enter my house but registered guests. The reason that this helps, is that the kind of renters who might become problematic in terms of being impolite or entitled, tend to balk at this rule in particular. Guests whose orientation to their stay at YOUR house, is that they think it's actually THEIR house because they are staying 2 months or whatever the stay is, tend to get upset at someone telling them what to do in THEIR house. So by making it very clear that it isn't THEIR house, and they cannot have any friends, visitors or anyone else over to YOUR house, you are really strongly clarifying something in one of the most effective ways possible. Hence I realy urge anyone contemplating having longer term guests (or really any stays over 2 weeks long) to have this rule.
This rule also very much helps prevent the "coalition building" that Allision refers to above, whereby combinations of guests and/or guests and their friends tend to even quite unconsciously band together to subvert the homeowner's authority. Divide and conquer is the answer to this. You can prevent coalition building and subversion of your authority by:
(1) Prohibiting guests from having friends/visitors over
(2) Never renting to two people who already know each other (eg no couples, not two friends in one room, also not two friends in two different rooms)
(3) Intentionally choosing to rent to people who you think will not have much in common (or at least not much in common in a way that could be problematic for you) -- eg a young business student and an older woman from India who teaches yoga and ayurvedic practices.
(4) Prohibiting socializing in your house after a certain hour , eg in my case 10pm.
(5) Minimizing the amount of common space available for socializing within the house -- eg you don't offer living rooms to hang out in , comfy "dens" to relax and have beer in --
(6) Having a rule about the kitchen table not being appropriated for socializing, but being kept available for those who are dining.
(7) Describe and create the culture of your house such that it is not a place for extensive socializing, hanging out, commotion. You could even say in your listing that your house is most appropriate for those who have things to do during the day, and who are busy during the day.
Reply Like 6 likes
Susan
Susan8 months ago
you may(?) which to google "boarding house" rules for suggestions....
Reply Like 1 like
Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Thank you SO much, Deborah. I spent the last 8 hours writing my House Manual and almost everything you mention I've had issues with. I'm actually not a new host - I'm even a Superhost - but I never experienced anything like this before. I usually have rented out 2 rooms and have only had a couple of guests I didn't really like - most have been wonderful, respectful and the whole experience was enjoyable. Some I rarely saw and some I had a much more social relationship with but its usually been a very enjoyable experience. This issue reared its head once I added the other 2 rooms (one was my office and the other is a bedroom in the finished basement).
Oddly, I didn't add the rooms as a monetary plan - I decided to move my office upstairs cause I didn't like having to go downstairs to work - and suddenly I had an empty room. And the bedroom in the finished basement was a bonus because I'm now using the living area down there as an art studio and renovated the full bathroom there as a second bath.
What happened is I got inundated with summer interns wanting to stay with me. I'm walking distance from Merck and LOreal where a lot of students intern. I booked my first 2 rooms immediately and then the other two guests were also interns desperate to stay with me and kept checking back with me to see if anything opened up. So, I decided, hell, I'll fix up there other spaces and help them out. And make some money along the way.
But the dynamic of four as opposed to two has made all the difference. With two, I had a more one on one relationship with each person in which I verbally explained what few house rules I thought I needed. This is more like trying to keep kittens in a box!
I thought everything was fine in the beginning - when they all arrived over the span of a week I threw them a small Welcome BBQ with cheap steaks and s'mores - and then went about my business thinking all was peachy. Unaware a storm was brewing.
Part of the problem may be that they are 21, 22, 23 and 27 years of age and I'm finding out from other friends with grown kids that this generation has major issues with basic manners and niceties. Friendly greetings are, apparently, optional. They don't even acknowledge hellos most of the time, wear ear phones a lot and are often so caught up in their texting they don't respond to humans in the room. One friend who owns a restaurant had to institute a rule that you MUST respond to her when spoken to or you're fired. It's that bad.
Brendan, the 22 year old, is a business major at L'Oreal - he's very friendly and not really a problem. Nicole is 27 year old PhD at Merck, she's just stand-offish -asbergery, acts like an awkward deer in headlights if I say hello in the kitchen and ask her how her day went. My biggest problem with her is she goes away for days and doesn't tell me, so I think something may be wrong. Is she dead in her room? Then find out she texted Vicki where she was going and when she's coming back. Just not me.
The real problems are the other TWO Merck interns, Eric, 21 and Vicki, 23, who were strangers but have become inseparable. I can't tell if it's a romance or not but they go everywhere together.
The things that they have been doing are not outrageous things like I hear about horror guests doing - but they have succeeded in making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Which pisses me off royally.
A lot are things you mention in your rules:
Vicki, who's staying downstairs, is passive-aggressive - smiles then glares at me.
Vicki moves my furniture around, leaves her stuff in shared spaces, brought 3 huge boxes of stuff (food, papers, whatever) that she wanted to keep on the laundry room table. I told her she could put them away in cabinets but she refused. I told her then she can put them in her private room but not in the shared spaces. She smile-glared. Found one in my art studio area and put it back in her room.
Then she came traipsing down one night with 4 or 5 of her friends while I was exhausted doing renovation stuff and said in passing, "Oh, is it all right if I have some friends in?" I was stunned and didn't even know if it WAS alright with me - since it never happened before. I kind of said, "Well, okay... I guess" ironically since they were already here. They went into the shared space area and played Yahtzee really loudly. I then know I WASN'T okay with me.
I came down into the kitchen a day or two later and she had two girls there doing that scream talking they do - totally ignoring me.
I have never offered laundry at my home. But I broke down and bought a $2100 brand new washer-dryer for MY convenience and had it installed and Vicki wanted to use it immediately. I said, No, I want to try it first tomorrow. She was smiled then glared.
The next day, when I went to try it out - Eric came up and said, "I beat you to it". I was furious - and told him so. He said I didn't tell him NOT to - but I'm sure Vicki had to have said something. Then they all wouldn't talk to me for days. Everybody got quiet when I walked into the room.
Today I came down and a strange boy came out of the bathroom, carrying his clothes. I said, "Who is that?" Eric said, "Oh that's Ralph." I said, "Did he just take a shower here?" And he kind of gave me a 'that's ridiculous" look and said, "No, he just changed his clothes."
Two nights ago I had to text him to stop playing his guitar in his room at 12:45 am. Even though he was doing it softly - it was wrong.
I've been so stunned and feeling powerless to say things because I feel;
1. I never addressed these things in house rules so I don't have a leg to stand on.
2. I hate confrontation & they group retaliated when I did confront the last time.
3. Their attitudes piss me off as much as their actions - and that's hard to address.
4. I've had such nice ones until now - I'm afraid of them writing horrible reviews.
5. I want them to like me. I'm afraid of being hated in my own home.
I think this is an opportunity for me to fix a long-standing problem I have with leadership - I am a natural leader when it comes to creativity but simultaneously I want everyone to like me and be my friend, too.
I clearly need to address this and find a comfortable leadership-style that is effective and that I can live with. SO, I'm making some MAJOR changes in how I manage things here. Been writing my house rules and plan to give them to each person individually. I have mentioned that I was working on them - now that there are more people here.
To Nicole and Brendan, who've been following most of the rules, I'll thank and tell them there are just a couple of tweaks I wanted to go over with them.
But, I need to really have a VERY strong talk with Vicki and Eric, separately. Tell them what I haven't been happy about, have them read the rules over and tell them if they don't feel comfortable with them, we can talk to Airbnb about moving them.
Any more advice?
Thanks for reading this hellishly long post.
Francesca
Reply Like 1 reply•3 likes
Serena
Serena8 months ago
Good luck. Tell us how it goes.
Lisa
Lisa8 months ago
Oh Francesca, I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved with the gang of 4. It's been a few weeks since you posted about them and it sounds as if things have gotten even worse. You must feel VERY stressed!!
Definitely do have the talk with Vicki and Eric asap. If they choke to move elsewhere it sounds as if things ma naturally improve due to the change in group dynamic.
Keep us posted
Reply Like 3 likes
Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Hi Lisa,
I was trying to post but my the Airbnb app on my iPad is defective now and doesn't show the send button! I finally got to sit down at my computer and get more advice and support. I'm going to call Airbnb tomorrow and ask for their help in dealing with this as well.
I agree - without Vicki and Eric this would be a pleasant situation. Once I find out what my recourse is be with Airbnb - I'll talk to them.
Reply Like 1 like
Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
Here are mine, combining Deborah and another host (who was a lawyer!)
HOUSE RULES
Check-ins are welcome anytime between 1 PM and 7 PM. Please check-out by 10 AM. So that we can be prepared to greet you, please advise us of your anticipated time of arrival (such as 4-5 PM or 5-6 PM). If you do not let us know of your anticipated time of arrival at least 24 hours in advance, we cannot guarantee that we will be here to receive you at your preferred time.
Late check-ins (check-ins between 7-10 PM will incur a €10 convenience fee. We will not accept check-ins past 10 PM under any circumstances. Early check-ins (check-ins between 9AM-13PM) permitted only if there are no guests in the apartment at that moment. Late check-outs (from 10AM to noon) permitted only if there are no other guests coming to the apartment that day. Early bag drop-off and bag storage after check-out will incur a €10 convenience fee.
We can provide pick up or drop off to Rijeka or Zagreb airport for a fee. Please make arrangements at least 24 hours in advance.
Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the comforter cover from the comforter. Please do not take any of my personal possessions out of my home for any reason.
Rooms come already furnished, and guests may not bring additional furniture. Guests may not bring a huge amount of belongings - please limit yourself to 2-3 suitcases.
Smoking is allowed on the balcony. No smoking in the rooms, kitchen, hallway and bathroom! Please pick up the cigarette buds after smoking and put them in the garbage bin.
Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
No pets/animals may be brought to my home. In the case of a guest who fails to disclose that they intend to bring an animal prior to making a reservation, and arrives with an animal, their reservation will not be honored and they will be turned away.
When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes or food in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. You may NOT leave dishes in the sink/counter etc while you eat a meal in your room. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. Kitchen hours are 6AM to 10PM: you may quietly retrieve snacks outside of these hours but no meal preparation outside of these hours. Please wipe off counters and stove when you are done with the kitchen. We do not provide food or beverages of any kind (including coffee/tea). Guests are responsible for supplying food/beverages for themselves.
Absolutely NO FOOD is permitted in the bedrooms. Please use the dining room to consume your snacks/meals should you decide to bring them in. There is a designated food storage area and a refridgerator in the kitchen for your convenience. Dishes may not be stored in the guest bedrooms.
Do not leave personal belongings in common spaces when done with those areas.
After use of the bathtub/shower and sink, please clean out hair from the drain/floor area and sink area and make sure tub/shower is basically clean. Do not use hair dyes in tub/shower as this will cause damage to the facility. When using a wash machine, please make sure you wash a full load.
Common areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to clean common areas after use and clean their own rooms during their stay. Please do your part to clean, so that others don't complain to me about a situation that you have caused.
Rooms are single occupancy only, and guests may not bring any others to visit to my house, neither overnight or during the day. No exceptions will be made. For the security of our guests and residents, only the guests that are included on the booking are allowed onto the property.
Please be courteous and respectful of both the other guests and residents by avoiding excess noise particularly between the hours of 10 PM and 8 AM. To help preserve the tranquil environment, please keep electronic players and/or voices down at all times, and do not have loud cellphone conversations in the house after 10PM to avoid disturbing others. Please use computers, radios, electronic players and cellphones in your room only and do not bring these into common areas.
Please always lock deadbolts of exterior doors when passing in/out through the doors.
You may not be present in the house in an intoxicated state when sharing the apartment with other guests. Other guests at my house don't want to interact with an intoxicated person or have their sleep disrupted by someone who arrives drunk late at night. Persons who are intoxicated will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
No mail may be received by guests at my home.
Please exercise common sense and good judgement throughout your stay. Examples of NOT using good judgement: piling up dishes too high on dish rack, so they fall out onto the floor. Putting on makeup or hair gel and then lying down on my linens, thus damaging them.
Guest agrees to pay Host for damages or loss for any of Host's property damaged/lost by the Guest.
When checking out, let me know so we can arrange the keys delivery. Note check out time of 10AM. You must leave no later than checkout time. All keys must be returned at check-out.
In order to save myself and my guests from trouble in the case of any guest refusing to follow house rules, significant violation of house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation, forfeiture of the total cost of reservation, and/or a €10 fee per incident.
Please note that by booking my apartment/rooms you agree upon all of the above and agree to all of the terms therein.
HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOUR STAY!
Reply Like 1 reply
Queenie & Ted
Queenie & Ted8 months ago
Thanks! I picked up somethings that I had missed in mine!
Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Francesca -- a few comments beyond what I mentioned to you by private email --
(1) I would suggest you avoid wanting your guests to like you , as in , wanting to socialize with you, and simply aim for them to respect you.
(2) When you want guests to like you, they sense that they have power over you. This can lead to bullying. So you will do best if you really don't need anything from your guests, but common courtesies such as exchanging hellos or light chat is something you can expect.
(3) I think you need to do better screening to avoid getting impolite guests. From what you describe, you have several guests who are direspectful . Smiling/glaring is simply not acceptable.
(4) How to avoid getting impolite guests like these? Well, first it REALLY helps to come across strong and strict in your house rules and indicate that you are creating a whole environment, and really depict the type of environment you are trying to create. You can describe some of the values of the environment, such as courtesy in interactions, and stating that private conversations are NOT to be held in common areas, and that in general your house is not a place for extensive socializing. Secondly, I think that if you take all young students from the same college, you are more likely to have these problems than if you try to mix people from different age groups. You really need to work to try to prevent clique building and coalitions, which is happening in your house. This can easily result in your renters grabbing your house away from under you. I have had this happen many times, for months at a time, so I know the feeling. It's very uncomfortable.
(5) Also, when screening for guests, look for guests who are eager to please, even to the point of being obsequious, who may seem a little shy, who are very polite in their first contact. You don't want guests who have profile photos that don't show their face or where they are making faces, sticking their tongue out, drinking beer, or engaged in horseplay. You want someone who knows how to present themselves professionally. People who make an a$$ of themselves in their profile photo are likely to act like that too. People who understand how to present very professionally, and are concerned with pleasing you, are not likely to be comfortable blowing you off and being rude to you -- that's what you want. You want someone whose own conscience would make them uncomfortable being rude, not someone who finds your scolding of them easy to blow off and ignore.
(6) IF you are having trouble confronting these young people and getting respect, have an assertive friend come and help you, such as a big burly man with a direct manner who is quite comfortable glaring at someone who is out of line and making them squirm. These young folks are acting like kids at a dormitory, and treating you like a parent who is so rude as to be trespassing in their fun animal house. IT's all wrong, and you need to get them in line.
(7) Definitely DO NOT let them bring any friends over. Tell the guest who you allowed to bring 4-5 of her friends over that this will NOT be allowed ever again. That you are going to a no friends policy because things are getting out of control.
(8) Do not allow loud singing, music playing etc. Look at my rules focused on keeping a very quiet house, retreat-like I say, monastic even, and that can be a good way to go to really drive the point home that loud boisterous behavior is NOT acceptable in my home. You may even want to say that in your rules, "This is intended to be a tranquil setting. Loud boisterous behavior is inappropriate here and will not be permitted."
Reply Like 1 like
Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Another thing to mention -- since you are close to the places the young people intern, you probably will have no trouble getting students as guests. It sounds like there is a lot of demand for your listings. So given that, you can afford to be more selective. I have found that I have no trouble getting guests even with my relatively "strict" rules -- in fact, this can even attract guests, because they can have confidence that in a setting with several guests present, you will be able to control the environment and they will be able to find the peace and quiet and friendly, polite atmosphere that makes them comfortable. Places that have house rules consisting of one or two sentences, just don't inspire that confidence in those who are concerned about getting into an environment where the homeowner isn't in control of the guests, where people do whatever they want and the quiet-loving ones suffer the consequences.
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Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Okay, you asked for it! (Well, I asked for it.) I took a lot from everybody who so generously posted theirs - especially Deborah and Dajana.
These are my NEW COMPREHENSIVE HOUSE RULES! (Actually, they are a condensed version from my new House Manual - same items but gone into more detail in the manual.)
I plan to present them to my gang of bullies tomorrow, individually, and tell them that "I've been very disturbed by the dynamic that has been created here, which has made me uncomfortable in my own home. I consulted other hosts and came up with this list of House Rules. If they don't want to follow them, I'd be happy to contact Airbnb to re-home them."
Many of these directly address things they've been feeling entitled to do.
Wish me luck. I'm dreading it.
___________
As an Airbnb host, I’ve opened up my home to friendly folks from all over America and around the world and enjoy getting to know them and their culture. While I'm open to conversation, all I really require is politeness and respect for me, my belongings and my other guests.
I strive to provide you with a homey, welcoming, artistic environment for you to relax in during your stay here in Rahway and I'm available to help you navigate the area by offering a wealth of information about our locale as well as Manhattan, so just ask!
Due to NJ hotel laws, I can NOT provide my house-guests with food, cleaning or laundry services. But I'm happy to offer you a cup of tea and share some snacks when you arrive.
The following House Rules clarify how I run my home, they are based on common sense and common courtesy. It’s your responsibility to not only read these rules once, but to be aware of and follow all of them throughout your stay here. You’ll be provided with a printed version in the House Manual when you settle in.
____
AIRPORT: Newark Airport is only 20 minutes away, while New York airports are over 2 hours away. You can take a NJ Transit train directly to Rahway, cabs, Uber or I may be able to pick you up or drop you off for a small fee. Please make arrangements at least 24 hours in advance.
CHECK-IN: Anytime between 1 PM and 10 PM. Early check-ins (between 10 AM and 1 PM) are okay only if there are no guests in the room at that time. Please advise me of your anticipated time of arrival at least 24 hours in advance and keep me informed if this time changes.
CHECK-OUT: By 11 am. We can arrange for me to get your keys, check your room and collect any fees you may have incurred. (There is a $25 key replacement fee for lost keys and a $25 + postage fee charge to return items left after check out.)
PERSONAL INTERACTION: I enjoy a friendly, harmonious home, so all I require is to be spoken to in a pleasant, respectful manner and to exchange a nice "hello" when we cross paths. Please let me know if you need anything or if you need to ask permission for something before moving forward (texting is fine).
YOUR PRIVATE ROOM: Comes furnished with a bed, bedside table, desk, chair, clothes storage and a hanging closet area. Your door locks with a key, which is included with the 2 apartment keys. I provide you with fresh bedding and towels.
POSSESSIONS: Guests may not bring additional furniture and are limited to 2-3 suitcases. Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the duvet cover from the comforter.
CLEANLINESS: I don't monitor how neat you keep your private room, everybody is different that way, but I just ask that you do keep it clean in terms of removing trash and food items.
WI-FI: There is high speed Xfinity Wi-Fi with a Wi-Fi booster available for guests to use. I do not use TV cable.
NO SMOKING: If you must smoke outside, do not litter any butts on the ground.
FRAGRANCES: I DO occasionally use fragrances in my home - laundry detergent, sprays, oils or incense. So, if you are sensitive to these kinds of things, my home would not be for you.
LILY: Allergic folks, please note that there is an adorable 12 lb. Pomeranian sharing our home, She was abused in a former life and "LOVES people but HATES hands." So you can’t pet her. She has a medical condition and can NEVER have table food - only her special diet and treats.
NO PETS: No pets/animals may be brought to my home. I have a small dog who is enough.
VISITORS: For the security of my guests and residents, only the guests that are included on the booking are allowed onto the property. No visitors are allowed in the day or overnight.
INTOXICATION: I don’t tolerate a guest in an intoxicated state. If a guest arrives home drunk late at night they will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
NOISE: Please be mindful of others when talking on the phone, listening to music, watching movies or sports. There is an 11 pm noise curfew - earphones are a great way to get around that!
MAIL: DO NOT use my address when ordering anything online. It may be convenient for you, but it's a lifetime of junk mail for me. There is a UPS store nearby that will receive your packages and mail for a small fee.
KITCHEN PRIVILEGES: When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes, food, crumbs nor grease in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. Dishes and pots must be THOROUGHLY washed and put to dry immediately after eating. Once dry, whatever you have used must be put back where it belongs. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. NOTE: Failure to follow these rules will result in losing all kitchen privileges during your stay.
COOKING: Anyone cooking on top of the stove must wash all the grease and food bits from stove, counters and tea kettle with soap and water then dry thoroughly after each use. Do NOT cook any form of FISH in my home.
BBQ: In the summer months, experienced BBQ-ers may use the backyard gas grill if they follow all safety procedures and clean up thoroughly afterward. That is where FISH may be cooked!
EATING: You may eat in the dining areas or in your room, but not on your bed. NO FOOD should be left in your room, and all cups, dishes, glassware must be removed each evening, washed and put away.
TRASH: We follow all recycling laws here and you must sort all trash and recyclables into their appropriate bins. Long-term guests (staying longer than one week) are expect to pitch in and take garbage and recycling bags out when the cans are full.
SHARED SPACES: Shared areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to remove their belongings and clean up after themselves after using any of our shared spaces: the kitchen, the lounges, the bathrooms.
LAUNDRY: You may sign up to do your laundry in our brand new Kenmore combo for a nominal $2 fee during certain hours. For $1 you may use our detergent and fabric softener.
There is an iron and full-size ironing board for your safe usage.
BATHROOM: We all share an upstairs bathroom as well as a downstairs full bath, so we all keep it clean & refill the toilet paper from TP shelf. Please keep your toiletries in your shelf and, gentleman, please put the seat down after use and wipe anything left behind
ELECTRICITY: Please turn air-conditioner and all lights off in your room or shared area when you are leaving that area for an extended period of time.
DOORS: Please always lock exterior doors and front apartment door when passing in/out.
FIRE: Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
BIKE PARKING: If you are planning to bring a bicycle, let me know as there is limited room in the lawnmower shed.
BACKYARD GATE: Feel free to use the backyard but watch where you step. A small dog shares it with you. Which is why the backyard gate MUST be closed at all times. Her life depends on it.
DAMAGES: Guests agree to pay for damages or loss of any property of mine that they have either damaged or lost.
RULES VIOLATION: Any guest refusing to follow house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation and forfeiture of the total cost of the reservation.
ARBITRATION: All claims and disputes for total amounts greater than $5000, with the exception of Unlawful Detainer actions, arising under or relating to this Agreement are to be settled by Binding Arbitration in the state of New Jersey. An award of arbitration may be confirmed in a court of competent jurisdiction.
BOOKING is an AGREEMENT: Please note that by booking a room, you agree upon all rules outlined in this document and agree to all of the terms therein.
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Lisa
Lisa8 months ago
Fabulous Francesca! Those look great! I've never to amend my kitchen rules for a bit andni love your verbiage, I may borrow a bit of yours! All of my guests, every last one of them has an aversion to putting their dishes away and it gets on my last nerve to leave a completely clean kitchen to come home and have to put theirs away despite me stating very clearly that dishes must be washed, dried and put away immediately after use.
Best of luck presenting these to the gang of 4! Please let us know how it goes.
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Queenie & Ted
Queenie & Ted8 months ago
The new rules look great! I'm adopting your verbiage on the dog. I like how clear it is that you have one and the rules regarding interacting with her. I have 2 rescues - a shih tzu and a maltese - and recently had a guest that not only did not like dogs, but his only interaction with them was aggressive!
Francesca shared on HOsting 911 8 months ago
Can you share your HOUSE RULES for long-term guests?
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice about handling disrespectful long-term guests. I'm working on being more authoritative and I'm writing my HOUSE RULE BOOK and was hoping to get some ideas from other hosts that specialize in long-term rentals. Mine tend to be college or medical students, which is now presenting issues dealing with politeness, cleanliness, following rules and entitlement.
Now that I've gone from 2 rooms to 4 rooms, I'm finding I really need to make very detailed written rules so that when they don't follow them I can have recourse.
I've tried going to other hosts sites, but their rule books aren't available unless I book. So, if possible, could you paste it here? Or send it to me as a message?
Thank you so much!
Francesca
PS. I couldn't post my comments on the last one because my iPad lost that function! Hopefully they'll fix that.
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Terry & Cher
Dajana
Terry & Cher
Terry & Cher8 months ago
Hi Francesca! I am new to Airbnb, but not being a landlady and can understand your frustration. We cannot prepare for everything, however try and cut out as much ambiguity as possible. With that being said, I have not read your listing yet.
Please take a look at my house rules. Yes, you will have to do this from a computer. You can get the gist by searching other hosts on this forum as well. Consider the specific matters you'd like to cover in yours.
When you say "issues dealing with politeness, cleanliness, following rules and entitlement....", what are the specifics? Also, you must be prepared to enforce the rules by documented reminders, confrontation, contacting CX if needed to rehome violators.
An experienced Airbnb host named Deborah also has some wonderful link. I may have saved them and will post once they're located
Reply Like 2 replies•2 likes
Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
What is CX?
Lisa Myshall
Lisa Myshall8 months ago
I believe it's Customer Service:-)
Jeannette
Jeannette8 months ago
Ha! My house rule is that I don't take 'em.
Reply Like 5 likes
Mig
Mig8 months ago
Francesca, join new host forum. Deborah the moderator has very comprehensive house rules that you can copy and paste to suit your needs. Happy hosting
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Allison
Allison8 months ago
I was going to point you in the direction of Deborah's listing, too. I think she does a lot of individual person hosting and has some house rules to keep small coalitions of people from taking over the house.
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Susan
Susan8 months ago
I understand that this is a lucrative business model for you BUT long term rentals such as what you are doing makes you a Landlord and thus you will fall under the New York Tenant/Landlord rules and regulations. Tenants (your guests) can behave as they like as you cannot regulate a tenant's behavior other than for willful wanton destruction/neglect and/or failure to pay rent. Thus, your tenants (guests) may "treat" you as they wish and conduct themselves as they wish in your premises. You are, in effect, operating a boarding house and I would suggest that you further explore your city's regulations regarding boarding houses/landlord requirements etc. I doubt very much that you could write/enforce any House Rules that deal with behavioral situations (other than safety and security). Good luck on this....
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Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Thanks! BTW, I'm not in NY - I'm in NJ.
Deborah
Hi
Yes, as others have mentioned I do have some house rules that I will share, but first I will point you to two posts I wrote to help new hosts in particular get oriented around some of these issues with guests:
My posts on tips for new hosts
www.airbnb.com/groups/content/content-116888
(That thread no longer accessible due to closure of old hosts groups -- now find it here: globalhosting.freeforums.net/thread/185/tips-new-hosts)
My post on red flags for hosts
www.airbnb.com/groups/content/content-94737
(That thread now not accessible due to closure of old host groups....now find here:
globalhosting.freeforums.net/thread/187/red-flags-hosts)
SEcond, let me say that the problems of cleanliness, politeness, following rules and entitlement do tend to be problems with longer term guests, more so than shorter term ones, and yet I've really had all these problems with short term guests as well. I also would emphasize that the more rooms you rent in your house, the more your authority can get diminished simply by mere numbers -- guests can band together, and feel like it is really more "their" home because there are more of them.
REgarding what Susan says about how you can't regulate or have rules about a guests' behavior -- well you can actually have rules about this, but there is a valid point to be made about the difficulty enforcing such rules. Ideally, we all should be seeking for guests who are polite enough and respectful enough, that they would naturally do as we ask, and would apologize if they did somethign that wasn't allowed. We most definitely do not want the sort of people who will violate the rules and then blow us off when we tell them to please not do that. We don't want bullies in our homes, and we wont' have to have them. Part of the art of being either a landlord or host, is in the screening process, and trying to select the right renters, people who don't try to bully us or overrule us in our own home. And it can be done.
As for house rules, you actually can read any hosts' house rules without booking, it's only the house manual that you can't read without booking. It's very important that your guests be able to see your rules before booking, so that they know what they are agreeing to. SO you want to put your rules in the hosue rules section, not under house manual.
As far as house rules, here are mine. You'll note they are long. THis can be off-putting to some. However the problem created by having short rules, is that you aren't actually able to cover everything that needs to be covered, and then you are kicking yourself when a situation arises which needs to be addressed and could have been addressed. House rules are a work in progress for all of us I think.
In order to provide a rejuvenative, tranquil and retreat-like atmosphere for guests, as well as a healthy, comfortable and safe environment, the following are the rules of my house. It is your responsibility to not only read these rules once, but to be aware of and follow all of them throughout your stay at my home. Most of what follows is common sense or common courtesy. The rules serve to protect you as a guest by helping ensure that the environment you find here is the one that I intended to create.
Please keep in mind:
You will be sharing common areas with other guests, and thus the cleanliness of the common areas is far more dependent upon all guests cleaning up after themselves, than it is upon my once a week cleaning. Most guests do very well in keeping common areas clean!
House rules:
Kindly remove shoes upon entering the house. Please do not drag luggage up the front stairs.
Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the comforter cover from the comforter or the mattress protector from the mattress. Also, it should not be necessary to say, but since some guests have done this, I must add: please do not take any of my personal possessions out of my home for any reason.
No smoking or "vaping" of any substance inside or outside house, and please do not smoke on the sidewalk in front of the house as this results in dropped butts littering the street.
No pets/animals may be brought to my home. If you like animals, there are some in the backyard who enjoy being visited! Any guest who intends to bring an animal, MUST disclose this prior to booking. In the case of a guest who fails to disclose that they intend to bring an animal prior to making a reservation, and arrives with an animal, their reservation will not be honored and they will be turned away.
For the better health of all, this is a fragrance/chemical free environment --no fragrances --no perfumes/colognes, “air fresheners”, laundry soap with fragrance, fabric softeners, incense. Shampoo with fragrance is fine.
Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
Rooms come already furnished, and guests may not bring additional furniture. Guests may not bring a huge amount of belongings -- please limit yourself to 2-3 suitcases.
Please observe hours for laundry facilities.
When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes or food in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. You may NOT leave dishes in the sink/counter etc while you eat a meal in your room. If you like, use the bins I provide to put dirty dishes in and keep them in your own storage space and out of other's way, until you have time to wash them. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. Kitchen hours are 6am to 10pm: you may quietly retrieve snacks outside of these hours but no meal preparation outside of these hours. No heavy/greasy cooking in the kitchen. Please wipe off counters and stove when you are done with the kitchen. Please don't store your items anywhere but in your designated storage space, labeled with your room name, or they may be removed or discarded, as I will assume a departing guest has left them.
Please do not consume food or beverage in the bed as this can cause damage to linens. Dishes may not be stored in the guest bedrooms.
Do not leave personal belongings in common spaces when done with those areas. Each guest will have designated bath and kitchen storage areas for your own personal use.
AFter use of the bathtub/shower and sink, please clean out hair from the drain/floor area and sink area and make sure tub/shower is basically clean. Do not remove the drain screens from tub/sink as those help prevent clogs. Do not use hair dyes in tub/shower as this will cause damage to the facility.
Common areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to clean common areas after use and clean their own rooms during their stay. I cannot stand by the kitchen or bathroom 24/7 and clean up after others. Please do your part to clean, so that others don't complain to me about a situation that you have caused.
Longer term guests: in order to prevent the problem of stale, unpleasant odors emanating from rooms and into common spaces or other's rooms, room windows need to be opened periodically to air out the room. If stale odors become a problem, I will enter guest rooms to air out these spaces.
Rooms are single occupancy only, and guests may not bring any others to visit to my house, neither overnight or during the day. No exceptions will be made.
House quiet hours are 9pm to 8am, and laundry hours are 9am to 9pm. To help preserve the tranquil environment, please keep electronic players and/or voices down at all times, and do not have cellphone conversations in the house after 10pm to avoid disturbing others. No socializing in the house after 10pm.
Please use computers, radios, electronic players and cellphones in your room only and do not bring these into common areas.
Please always lock deadbolts of exterior doors when passing in/out through the doors.
If you have a bicycle, there is a bike storage area outside where you can put it: please do not bring bikes or additional furniture into rooms. Because bike storage space is limited, please ask me before bringing a bike to the house, as there may or may not be room for additional bikes. I do have a bike available for guests to use if an additional security deposit amount is paid to cover its potential loss. Bikes may not be parked/stored anywhere on the property except in bike storage area.
I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to say this, but because some guests have done this I have to say: you may not be present in my house in an intoxicated state. Neither I nor other guests at my house want to have to interact with an intoxicated person or have our sleep disrupted by someone who arrives drunk late at night. Persons who are intoxicated in my house will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
No mail may be received by guests at my home. I used to allow this but due to repeated abuse, I cannot allow this any longer. I get an enormous amount of mail for people who no longer live here. There are UPS and Fedex places nearby where you can receive mail. Unauthorized mail will be refused delivery and returned to the mail carrier.
Please exercise common sense and good judgement throughout your stay. Examples of not using good judgement: piling up dishes too high on dish rack, so they fall out onto the floor. Putting on makeup or hair gel and then lying down on my linens, thus damaging them.
Guest agrees to pay Host for damages or loss for any of Host's property damaged/lost by the Guest.
In order to save myself and my guests from trouble in the case of any guest refusing to follow house rules, significant violation of house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation, forfeiture of the total cost of reservation, and/or a $20 fee per incident.
When checking out, leave room door open, go out front door and lock exterior door, then place the keys in the mailbox. Note check out time of 11am. You must leave no later than checkout time.
I will orient you to the house when you arrive.
I look forward to meeting you!
Arbitration. All claims and disputes for total amounts greater than $5000, with the exception of Unlawful Detainer actions, arising under or relating to this Agreement are to be settled by Binding Arbitration in the state of California. An award of arbitration may be confirmed in a court of competent jurisdiction.
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Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
Deborah, thank you for this! I have been hosting for only a month and have updates my house rules atleast 5 times. I see I'll have to do it again :-D
Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
*updated
Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Another thing to mention -- one strategy I use for screening guests is actually part of my house rules -- I don't allow guests to have any visitors, not overnight visitors, not daytime visitors, not visitors coming in for a few minutes. No one may enter my house but registered guests. The reason that this helps, is that the kind of renters who might become problematic in terms of being impolite or entitled, tend to balk at this rule in particular. Guests whose orientation to their stay at YOUR house, is that they think it's actually THEIR house because they are staying 2 months or whatever the stay is, tend to get upset at someone telling them what to do in THEIR house. So by making it very clear that it isn't THEIR house, and they cannot have any friends, visitors or anyone else over to YOUR house, you are really strongly clarifying something in one of the most effective ways possible. Hence I realy urge anyone contemplating having longer term guests (or really any stays over 2 weeks long) to have this rule.
This rule also very much helps prevent the "coalition building" that Allision refers to above, whereby combinations of guests and/or guests and their friends tend to even quite unconsciously band together to subvert the homeowner's authority. Divide and conquer is the answer to this. You can prevent coalition building and subversion of your authority by:
(1) Prohibiting guests from having friends/visitors over
(2) Never renting to two people who already know each other (eg no couples, not two friends in one room, also not two friends in two different rooms)
(3) Intentionally choosing to rent to people who you think will not have much in common (or at least not much in common in a way that could be problematic for you) -- eg a young business student and an older woman from India who teaches yoga and ayurvedic practices.
(4) Prohibiting socializing in your house after a certain hour , eg in my case 10pm.
(5) Minimizing the amount of common space available for socializing within the house -- eg you don't offer living rooms to hang out in , comfy "dens" to relax and have beer in --
(6) Having a rule about the kitchen table not being appropriated for socializing, but being kept available for those who are dining.
(7) Describe and create the culture of your house such that it is not a place for extensive socializing, hanging out, commotion. You could even say in your listing that your house is most appropriate for those who have things to do during the day, and who are busy during the day.
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Susan
Susan8 months ago
you may(?) which to google "boarding house" rules for suggestions....
Reply Like 1 like
Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Thank you SO much, Deborah. I spent the last 8 hours writing my House Manual and almost everything you mention I've had issues with. I'm actually not a new host - I'm even a Superhost - but I never experienced anything like this before. I usually have rented out 2 rooms and have only had a couple of guests I didn't really like - most have been wonderful, respectful and the whole experience was enjoyable. Some I rarely saw and some I had a much more social relationship with but its usually been a very enjoyable experience. This issue reared its head once I added the other 2 rooms (one was my office and the other is a bedroom in the finished basement).
Oddly, I didn't add the rooms as a monetary plan - I decided to move my office upstairs cause I didn't like having to go downstairs to work - and suddenly I had an empty room. And the bedroom in the finished basement was a bonus because I'm now using the living area down there as an art studio and renovated the full bathroom there as a second bath.
What happened is I got inundated with summer interns wanting to stay with me. I'm walking distance from Merck and LOreal where a lot of students intern. I booked my first 2 rooms immediately and then the other two guests were also interns desperate to stay with me and kept checking back with me to see if anything opened up. So, I decided, hell, I'll fix up there other spaces and help them out. And make some money along the way.
But the dynamic of four as opposed to two has made all the difference. With two, I had a more one on one relationship with each person in which I verbally explained what few house rules I thought I needed. This is more like trying to keep kittens in a box!
I thought everything was fine in the beginning - when they all arrived over the span of a week I threw them a small Welcome BBQ with cheap steaks and s'mores - and then went about my business thinking all was peachy. Unaware a storm was brewing.
Part of the problem may be that they are 21, 22, 23 and 27 years of age and I'm finding out from other friends with grown kids that this generation has major issues with basic manners and niceties. Friendly greetings are, apparently, optional. They don't even acknowledge hellos most of the time, wear ear phones a lot and are often so caught up in their texting they don't respond to humans in the room. One friend who owns a restaurant had to institute a rule that you MUST respond to her when spoken to or you're fired. It's that bad.
Brendan, the 22 year old, is a business major at L'Oreal - he's very friendly and not really a problem. Nicole is 27 year old PhD at Merck, she's just stand-offish -asbergery, acts like an awkward deer in headlights if I say hello in the kitchen and ask her how her day went. My biggest problem with her is she goes away for days and doesn't tell me, so I think something may be wrong. Is she dead in her room? Then find out she texted Vicki where she was going and when she's coming back. Just not me.
The real problems are the other TWO Merck interns, Eric, 21 and Vicki, 23, who were strangers but have become inseparable. I can't tell if it's a romance or not but they go everywhere together.
The things that they have been doing are not outrageous things like I hear about horror guests doing - but they have succeeded in making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Which pisses me off royally.
A lot are things you mention in your rules:
Vicki, who's staying downstairs, is passive-aggressive - smiles then glares at me.
Vicki moves my furniture around, leaves her stuff in shared spaces, brought 3 huge boxes of stuff (food, papers, whatever) that she wanted to keep on the laundry room table. I told her she could put them away in cabinets but she refused. I told her then she can put them in her private room but not in the shared spaces. She smile-glared. Found one in my art studio area and put it back in her room.
Then she came traipsing down one night with 4 or 5 of her friends while I was exhausted doing renovation stuff and said in passing, "Oh, is it all right if I have some friends in?" I was stunned and didn't even know if it WAS alright with me - since it never happened before. I kind of said, "Well, okay... I guess" ironically since they were already here. They went into the shared space area and played Yahtzee really loudly. I then know I WASN'T okay with me.
I came down into the kitchen a day or two later and she had two girls there doing that scream talking they do - totally ignoring me.
I have never offered laundry at my home. But I broke down and bought a $2100 brand new washer-dryer for MY convenience and had it installed and Vicki wanted to use it immediately. I said, No, I want to try it first tomorrow. She was smiled then glared.
The next day, when I went to try it out - Eric came up and said, "I beat you to it". I was furious - and told him so. He said I didn't tell him NOT to - but I'm sure Vicki had to have said something. Then they all wouldn't talk to me for days. Everybody got quiet when I walked into the room.
Today I came down and a strange boy came out of the bathroom, carrying his clothes. I said, "Who is that?" Eric said, "Oh that's Ralph." I said, "Did he just take a shower here?" And he kind of gave me a 'that's ridiculous" look and said, "No, he just changed his clothes."
Two nights ago I had to text him to stop playing his guitar in his room at 12:45 am. Even though he was doing it softly - it was wrong.
I've been so stunned and feeling powerless to say things because I feel;
1. I never addressed these things in house rules so I don't have a leg to stand on.
2. I hate confrontation & they group retaliated when I did confront the last time.
3. Their attitudes piss me off as much as their actions - and that's hard to address.
4. I've had such nice ones until now - I'm afraid of them writing horrible reviews.
5. I want them to like me. I'm afraid of being hated in my own home.
I think this is an opportunity for me to fix a long-standing problem I have with leadership - I am a natural leader when it comes to creativity but simultaneously I want everyone to like me and be my friend, too.
I clearly need to address this and find a comfortable leadership-style that is effective and that I can live with. SO, I'm making some MAJOR changes in how I manage things here. Been writing my house rules and plan to give them to each person individually. I have mentioned that I was working on them - now that there are more people here.
To Nicole and Brendan, who've been following most of the rules, I'll thank and tell them there are just a couple of tweaks I wanted to go over with them.
But, I need to really have a VERY strong talk with Vicki and Eric, separately. Tell them what I haven't been happy about, have them read the rules over and tell them if they don't feel comfortable with them, we can talk to Airbnb about moving them.
Any more advice?
Thanks for reading this hellishly long post.
Francesca
Reply Like 1 reply•3 likes
Serena
Serena8 months ago
Good luck. Tell us how it goes.
Lisa
Lisa8 months ago
Oh Francesca, I'm so sorry to hear things haven't improved with the gang of 4. It's been a few weeks since you posted about them and it sounds as if things have gotten even worse. You must feel VERY stressed!!
Definitely do have the talk with Vicki and Eric asap. If they choke to move elsewhere it sounds as if things ma naturally improve due to the change in group dynamic.
Keep us posted
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Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Hi Lisa,
I was trying to post but my the Airbnb app on my iPad is defective now and doesn't show the send button! I finally got to sit down at my computer and get more advice and support. I'm going to call Airbnb tomorrow and ask for their help in dealing with this as well.
I agree - without Vicki and Eric this would be a pleasant situation. Once I find out what my recourse is be with Airbnb - I'll talk to them.
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Dajana
Dajana8 months ago
Here are mine, combining Deborah and another host (who was a lawyer!)
HOUSE RULES
Check-ins are welcome anytime between 1 PM and 7 PM. Please check-out by 10 AM. So that we can be prepared to greet you, please advise us of your anticipated time of arrival (such as 4-5 PM or 5-6 PM). If you do not let us know of your anticipated time of arrival at least 24 hours in advance, we cannot guarantee that we will be here to receive you at your preferred time.
Late check-ins (check-ins between 7-10 PM will incur a €10 convenience fee. We will not accept check-ins past 10 PM under any circumstances. Early check-ins (check-ins between 9AM-13PM) permitted only if there are no guests in the apartment at that moment. Late check-outs (from 10AM to noon) permitted only if there are no other guests coming to the apartment that day. Early bag drop-off and bag storage after check-out will incur a €10 convenience fee.
We can provide pick up or drop off to Rijeka or Zagreb airport for a fee. Please make arrangements at least 24 hours in advance.
Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the comforter cover from the comforter. Please do not take any of my personal possessions out of my home for any reason.
Rooms come already furnished, and guests may not bring additional furniture. Guests may not bring a huge amount of belongings - please limit yourself to 2-3 suitcases.
Smoking is allowed on the balcony. No smoking in the rooms, kitchen, hallway and bathroom! Please pick up the cigarette buds after smoking and put them in the garbage bin.
Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
No pets/animals may be brought to my home. In the case of a guest who fails to disclose that they intend to bring an animal prior to making a reservation, and arrives with an animal, their reservation will not be honored and they will be turned away.
When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes or food in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. You may NOT leave dishes in the sink/counter etc while you eat a meal in your room. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. Kitchen hours are 6AM to 10PM: you may quietly retrieve snacks outside of these hours but no meal preparation outside of these hours. Please wipe off counters and stove when you are done with the kitchen. We do not provide food or beverages of any kind (including coffee/tea). Guests are responsible for supplying food/beverages for themselves.
Absolutely NO FOOD is permitted in the bedrooms. Please use the dining room to consume your snacks/meals should you decide to bring them in. There is a designated food storage area and a refridgerator in the kitchen for your convenience. Dishes may not be stored in the guest bedrooms.
Do not leave personal belongings in common spaces when done with those areas.
After use of the bathtub/shower and sink, please clean out hair from the drain/floor area and sink area and make sure tub/shower is basically clean. Do not use hair dyes in tub/shower as this will cause damage to the facility. When using a wash machine, please make sure you wash a full load.
Common areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to clean common areas after use and clean their own rooms during their stay. Please do your part to clean, so that others don't complain to me about a situation that you have caused.
Rooms are single occupancy only, and guests may not bring any others to visit to my house, neither overnight or during the day. No exceptions will be made. For the security of our guests and residents, only the guests that are included on the booking are allowed onto the property.
Please be courteous and respectful of both the other guests and residents by avoiding excess noise particularly between the hours of 10 PM and 8 AM. To help preserve the tranquil environment, please keep electronic players and/or voices down at all times, and do not have loud cellphone conversations in the house after 10PM to avoid disturbing others. Please use computers, radios, electronic players and cellphones in your room only and do not bring these into common areas.
Please always lock deadbolts of exterior doors when passing in/out through the doors.
You may not be present in the house in an intoxicated state when sharing the apartment with other guests. Other guests at my house don't want to interact with an intoxicated person or have their sleep disrupted by someone who arrives drunk late at night. Persons who are intoxicated will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
No mail may be received by guests at my home.
Please exercise common sense and good judgement throughout your stay. Examples of NOT using good judgement: piling up dishes too high on dish rack, so they fall out onto the floor. Putting on makeup or hair gel and then lying down on my linens, thus damaging them.
Guest agrees to pay Host for damages or loss for any of Host's property damaged/lost by the Guest.
When checking out, let me know so we can arrange the keys delivery. Note check out time of 10AM. You must leave no later than checkout time. All keys must be returned at check-out.
In order to save myself and my guests from trouble in the case of any guest refusing to follow house rules, significant violation of house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation, forfeiture of the total cost of reservation, and/or a €10 fee per incident.
Please note that by booking my apartment/rooms you agree upon all of the above and agree to all of the terms therein.
HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOUR STAY!
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Queenie & Ted
Queenie & Ted8 months ago
Thanks! I picked up somethings that I had missed in mine!
Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Francesca -- a few comments beyond what I mentioned to you by private email --
(1) I would suggest you avoid wanting your guests to like you , as in , wanting to socialize with you, and simply aim for them to respect you.
(2) When you want guests to like you, they sense that they have power over you. This can lead to bullying. So you will do best if you really don't need anything from your guests, but common courtesies such as exchanging hellos or light chat is something you can expect.
(3) I think you need to do better screening to avoid getting impolite guests. From what you describe, you have several guests who are direspectful . Smiling/glaring is simply not acceptable.
(4) How to avoid getting impolite guests like these? Well, first it REALLY helps to come across strong and strict in your house rules and indicate that you are creating a whole environment, and really depict the type of environment you are trying to create. You can describe some of the values of the environment, such as courtesy in interactions, and stating that private conversations are NOT to be held in common areas, and that in general your house is not a place for extensive socializing. Secondly, I think that if you take all young students from the same college, you are more likely to have these problems than if you try to mix people from different age groups. You really need to work to try to prevent clique building and coalitions, which is happening in your house. This can easily result in your renters grabbing your house away from under you. I have had this happen many times, for months at a time, so I know the feeling. It's very uncomfortable.
(5) Also, when screening for guests, look for guests who are eager to please, even to the point of being obsequious, who may seem a little shy, who are very polite in their first contact. You don't want guests who have profile photos that don't show their face or where they are making faces, sticking their tongue out, drinking beer, or engaged in horseplay. You want someone who knows how to present themselves professionally. People who make an a$$ of themselves in their profile photo are likely to act like that too. People who understand how to present very professionally, and are concerned with pleasing you, are not likely to be comfortable blowing you off and being rude to you -- that's what you want. You want someone whose own conscience would make them uncomfortable being rude, not someone who finds your scolding of them easy to blow off and ignore.
(6) IF you are having trouble confronting these young people and getting respect, have an assertive friend come and help you, such as a big burly man with a direct manner who is quite comfortable glaring at someone who is out of line and making them squirm. These young folks are acting like kids at a dormitory, and treating you like a parent who is so rude as to be trespassing in their fun animal house. IT's all wrong, and you need to get them in line.
(7) Definitely DO NOT let them bring any friends over. Tell the guest who you allowed to bring 4-5 of her friends over that this will NOT be allowed ever again. That you are going to a no friends policy because things are getting out of control.
(8) Do not allow loud singing, music playing etc. Look at my rules focused on keeping a very quiet house, retreat-like I say, monastic even, and that can be a good way to go to really drive the point home that loud boisterous behavior is NOT acceptable in my home. You may even want to say that in your rules, "This is intended to be a tranquil setting. Loud boisterous behavior is inappropriate here and will not be permitted."
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Deborah
Deborah8 months ago
Another thing to mention -- since you are close to the places the young people intern, you probably will have no trouble getting students as guests. It sounds like there is a lot of demand for your listings. So given that, you can afford to be more selective. I have found that I have no trouble getting guests even with my relatively "strict" rules -- in fact, this can even attract guests, because they can have confidence that in a setting with several guests present, you will be able to control the environment and they will be able to find the peace and quiet and friendly, polite atmosphere that makes them comfortable. Places that have house rules consisting of one or two sentences, just don't inspire that confidence in those who are concerned about getting into an environment where the homeowner isn't in control of the guests, where people do whatever they want and the quiet-loving ones suffer the consequences.
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Francesca
Francesca8 months ago
Okay, you asked for it! (Well, I asked for it.) I took a lot from everybody who so generously posted theirs - especially Deborah and Dajana.
These are my NEW COMPREHENSIVE HOUSE RULES! (Actually, they are a condensed version from my new House Manual - same items but gone into more detail in the manual.)
I plan to present them to my gang of bullies tomorrow, individually, and tell them that "I've been very disturbed by the dynamic that has been created here, which has made me uncomfortable in my own home. I consulted other hosts and came up with this list of House Rules. If they don't want to follow them, I'd be happy to contact Airbnb to re-home them."
Many of these directly address things they've been feeling entitled to do.
Wish me luck. I'm dreading it.
___________
As an Airbnb host, I’ve opened up my home to friendly folks from all over America and around the world and enjoy getting to know them and their culture. While I'm open to conversation, all I really require is politeness and respect for me, my belongings and my other guests.
I strive to provide you with a homey, welcoming, artistic environment for you to relax in during your stay here in Rahway and I'm available to help you navigate the area by offering a wealth of information about our locale as well as Manhattan, so just ask!
Due to NJ hotel laws, I can NOT provide my house-guests with food, cleaning or laundry services. But I'm happy to offer you a cup of tea and share some snacks when you arrive.
The following House Rules clarify how I run my home, they are based on common sense and common courtesy. It’s your responsibility to not only read these rules once, but to be aware of and follow all of them throughout your stay here. You’ll be provided with a printed version in the House Manual when you settle in.
____
AIRPORT: Newark Airport is only 20 minutes away, while New York airports are over 2 hours away. You can take a NJ Transit train directly to Rahway, cabs, Uber or I may be able to pick you up or drop you off for a small fee. Please make arrangements at least 24 hours in advance.
CHECK-IN: Anytime between 1 PM and 10 PM. Early check-ins (between 10 AM and 1 PM) are okay only if there are no guests in the room at that time. Please advise me of your anticipated time of arrival at least 24 hours in advance and keep me informed if this time changes.
CHECK-OUT: By 11 am. We can arrange for me to get your keys, check your room and collect any fees you may have incurred. (There is a $25 key replacement fee for lost keys and a $25 + postage fee charge to return items left after check out.)
PERSONAL INTERACTION: I enjoy a friendly, harmonious home, so all I require is to be spoken to in a pleasant, respectful manner and to exchange a nice "hello" when we cross paths. Please let me know if you need anything or if you need to ask permission for something before moving forward (texting is fine).
YOUR PRIVATE ROOM: Comes furnished with a bed, bedside table, desk, chair, clothes storage and a hanging closet area. Your door locks with a key, which is included with the 2 apartment keys. I provide you with fresh bedding and towels.
POSSESSIONS: Guests may not bring additional furniture and are limited to 2-3 suitcases. Please leave things as they are in your room: do not remove pictures from walls, don't move furniture around, and do not remove the duvet cover from the comforter.
CLEANLINESS: I don't monitor how neat you keep your private room, everybody is different that way, but I just ask that you do keep it clean in terms of removing trash and food items.
WI-FI: There is high speed Xfinity Wi-Fi with a Wi-Fi booster available for guests to use. I do not use TV cable.
NO SMOKING: If you must smoke outside, do not litter any butts on the ground.
FRAGRANCES: I DO occasionally use fragrances in my home - laundry detergent, sprays, oils or incense. So, if you are sensitive to these kinds of things, my home would not be for you.
LILY: Allergic folks, please note that there is an adorable 12 lb. Pomeranian sharing our home, She was abused in a former life and "LOVES people but HATES hands." So you can’t pet her. She has a medical condition and can NEVER have table food - only her special diet and treats.
NO PETS: No pets/animals may be brought to my home. I have a small dog who is enough.
VISITORS: For the security of my guests and residents, only the guests that are included on the booking are allowed onto the property. No visitors are allowed in the day or overnight.
INTOXICATION: I don’t tolerate a guest in an intoxicated state. If a guest arrives home drunk late at night they will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay.
NOISE: Please be mindful of others when talking on the phone, listening to music, watching movies or sports. There is an 11 pm noise curfew - earphones are a great way to get around that!
MAIL: DO NOT use my address when ordering anything online. It may be convenient for you, but it's a lifetime of junk mail for me. There is a UPS store nearby that will receive your packages and mail for a small fee.
KITCHEN PRIVILEGES: When you are done using the kitchen, leave no dishes, food, crumbs nor grease in the sink, on counters, on the stove, or in any common area. Dishes and pots must be THOROUGHLY washed and put to dry immediately after eating. Once dry, whatever you have used must be put back where it belongs. The kitchen should look as though you were never there. NOTE: Failure to follow these rules will result in losing all kitchen privileges during your stay.
COOKING: Anyone cooking on top of the stove must wash all the grease and food bits from stove, counters and tea kettle with soap and water then dry thoroughly after each use. Do NOT cook any form of FISH in my home.
BBQ: In the summer months, experienced BBQ-ers may use the backyard gas grill if they follow all safety procedures and clean up thoroughly afterward. That is where FISH may be cooked!
EATING: You may eat in the dining areas or in your room, but not on your bed. NO FOOD should be left in your room, and all cups, dishes, glassware must be removed each evening, washed and put away.
TRASH: We follow all recycling laws here and you must sort all trash and recyclables into their appropriate bins. Long-term guests (staying longer than one week) are expect to pitch in and take garbage and recycling bags out when the cans are full.
SHARED SPACES: Shared areas are cleaned once a week, and guest rooms are cleaned in between guest visits. Apart from this, guests are expected to remove their belongings and clean up after themselves after using any of our shared spaces: the kitchen, the lounges, the bathrooms.
LAUNDRY: You may sign up to do your laundry in our brand new Kenmore combo for a nominal $2 fee during certain hours. For $1 you may use our detergent and fabric softener.
There is an iron and full-size ironing board for your safe usage.
BATHROOM: We all share an upstairs bathroom as well as a downstairs full bath, so we all keep it clean & refill the toilet paper from TP shelf. Please keep your toiletries in your shelf and, gentleman, please put the seat down after use and wipe anything left behind
ELECTRICITY: Please turn air-conditioner and all lights off in your room or shared area when you are leaving that area for an extended period of time.
DOORS: Please always lock exterior doors and front apartment door when passing in/out.
FIRE: Due to danger of fire, no candles, space heaters or open flames may be used in the house.
BIKE PARKING: If you are planning to bring a bicycle, let me know as there is limited room in the lawnmower shed.
BACKYARD GATE: Feel free to use the backyard but watch where you step. A small dog shares it with you. Which is why the backyard gate MUST be closed at all times. Her life depends on it.
DAMAGES: Guests agree to pay for damages or loss of any property of mine that they have either damaged or lost.
RULES VIOLATION: Any guest refusing to follow house rules may result in immediate termination of the reservation and forfeiture of the total cost of the reservation.
ARBITRATION: All claims and disputes for total amounts greater than $5000, with the exception of Unlawful Detainer actions, arising under or relating to this Agreement are to be settled by Binding Arbitration in the state of New Jersey. An award of arbitration may be confirmed in a court of competent jurisdiction.
BOOKING is an AGREEMENT: Please note that by booking a room, you agree upon all rules outlined in this document and agree to all of the terms therein.
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Lisa
Lisa8 months ago
Fabulous Francesca! Those look great! I've never to amend my kitchen rules for a bit andni love your verbiage, I may borrow a bit of yours! All of my guests, every last one of them has an aversion to putting their dishes away and it gets on my last nerve to leave a completely clean kitchen to come home and have to put theirs away despite me stating very clearly that dishes must be washed, dried and put away immediately after use.
Best of luck presenting these to the gang of 4! Please let us know how it goes.
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Queenie & Ted
Queenie & Ted8 months ago
The new rules look great! I'm adopting your verbiage on the dog. I like how clear it is that you have one and the rules regarding interacting with her. I have 2 rescues - a shih tzu and a maltese - and recently had a guest that not only did not like dogs, but his only interaction with them was aggressive!