Guest is drunk and I have a toddler in my house

Grace shared Jan 2015 NHF

www.airbnb.com/groups/content/content-102257

Need suggestions on how to handle a situation!

Hello, I am Grace and new to hosting. I have 4 stays under my belt. The previous guests were amazing. Great experiences and met a few people that I will keep in touch with. Had a new guest arrive last night a young 20 something lady. Gave here the tour and general instructions. I went to bed and she went out. Woke up at 3 in the morning to what sounded like her getting sick. Came out of my room and it she had these horrible sounding hiccups/burps, she was drunk and my sons door was open. Which I had closed prior to going to bed.
Today I told her she woke me up, that my sons door was open and coming home drunk was not okay. Any suggestions on how to handle this better. It is 8PM and she just left again. Grace
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mark
marka year ago
Hi grace, what was her response we you talked to her today? What ground rules did you put in place for the rest of her stay? Those answers would color my response to anything like a repeat episode. I notice your listing mentions "great beer on blah blah street", while that is not an invite to turn your home into a frat house, it might set up the wrong expectations? However, in the end it's your home and your rules.

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Grace
Gracea year ago
Mark thanks! When I talked to her this morning she did not even remember our conversation the previous night. I guess I am okay with drinking beers...but so sh*t faced that you can't remember a (email hidden)t okay. As for ground rules I need to be more clear and put something in writing. I have a 2 year old kid and I guess I never thought I would have to deal with this. So what about this: Laura I want to be clear about what is okay and not okay while staying here. Do not open my sons door or my door. Those areas are off limits. Coming back here stumbling drunk is not okay. You woke me up with what sounding like you were getting sick. When we spoke about Saturday night on Sunday morning and you did not remember the conversation.
Help this needs work!

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Carolyn
Carolyna year ago
Hi Grace, that is a terrible situation. It's late now, so you may have already dealt with this young lady, and the wording above is good. Also, you must put these rules in writing and include them in your House Rules on your listing page. I notice that, on your listing under Guest Access, you say that guests have access to the whole house. Of course you'll want to amend that and say "Guests have access to all common areas, not to bedrooms" or something like that.

I hope she isn't staying long!

And I really hope you got through to her and that things improve! Let us know how it turns out, and good luck!

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Rick
Ricka year ago
She came home drunk to a strange place & most likely opened the door mistakenly -- possibly searching frantically for a bathroom -- which of course doesn't excuse the behavior. Clear rules, a sit down talk & perhaps a "private" sign on a few doors might be a good idea. You might want to mention her personal safety-- walking around late at night (??!!).

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Deborah
Deboraha year ago
After I had two guests who were intoxicated in my house, I added to my house rules this statement:

"I had hoped that I wouldn’t have to say this, but because some guests have done this I have to say: you may not be present in my house in an intoxicated state. Neither I nor other guests at my house want to have to interact with an intoxicated person or have our sleep disrupted by someone who arrives drunk late at night. Persons who are intoxicated in my house will be asked to leave my house and find another place to stay. "

You can read my other house rules to see what else I had to add based on other guest "misbehavior." Basically, everything that I have in my house rules (which are pretty long, but complete) is there because I had a problem with a guest doing that. Even if you start only with minimal rules such as no smoking and clean up after yourself in kitchen and bath, I will predict that the more guests you have, the longer your rules get...as you begin to see what else needs to be addressed explicitly. Such as intoxication! We all hope that guests would just not need to be told certain things, but guests do need to be told.

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Deborah
Deboraha year ago
Also -- on how to handle your situation -- make sure that after you tell her that being drunk in your home is not okay, you get some type of confirmation from her that she has heard and taken in what you have said. If you don't get a sense she heard you, have a sit down talk with her and tell her again that being drunk in your house is not okay,and that you don't know whether she is taking this in or not. Tell her that if it happens again you will have to ask her to leave and find another place to stay, as this is not acceptable behavior for guests in your home. And then, be firm and do ask her to leave if it keeps happening. YOu can contact Airbnb customer service if needed and have them help her find another place to stay.

Susan
Susana year ago
you did right to speak with her and redefine your boundaries, if she does it again ask her to leave/have airbnb rehome her. revise your House Rules to clearly state quiet times and define the penalty for not adhering to House Rules.

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Grace
Gracea year ago
thank you! I will update my rules and talk with her again.

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Ian
Iana year ago
Hi Grace, personally I would be quite strict on this (and I'm flexible host in most ways). This guest perhaps does not appreciate that she is staying in a family's home, rather than a hotel. At an airbnb I wouldn't ever arrive drunk/intoxicated (as opposed to staying in a hotel where there is more freedom). It is your house and you have very reasonable rates, you doing have to put up with a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable with. On the other hand if it was a blip on her part (she may have eaten something dodgy, rather than drunk too much) then it could be a good idea to give her a second chance but mentally prepare yourself to ask her to leave if she continues (this would be a last resort and it hopefully won't come to that)

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Andrew
Andrewa year ago
Regarding the guest opening your son's door: as long as there was no indication that your guest did anything in the bedroom, I'd chalk it up to a very common and embarrassing thing that often happens when you're in a new house. There have been plenty of times as a guest when I've arrived (sober) back at my guesthouse or hostel and been mistaken about which door was the bedroom, bathroom, etc. I'd really hate for this to be regarded as a major transgression. Unless you put a giant DO NOT ENTER sign on the kid's room, it's inevitable that guests might occasionally open the door by mistake when they're still new in your home.

The issue with intoxicated behavior is a trickier one, as there's no clear and empirical place to draw the line between acceptable consumption of alcohol and unacceptably intoxicated. Even the "couple of beers" thing doesn't really work - for some people, that's enough to get them utterly sh*tfaced, whereas others can neck a liter of vodka and remain perfectly composed. As hosts, we're in no position to regulate our guests' behavior when they're outside of the house, but we can set objective rules for behavior in the house. A "quiet hour" is one example of that - though if the guest's only noises were involuntary gastric sounds, there's not really much you can do.

Honestly, I think this might be an opportunity to reconsider whether short-term rentals to strangers is really a good fit for your household's needs. Is it really worth the risk that someone you've just met could walk into your child's room in the middle of the night while you're asleep? Is it worth the potential disruption caused by perfectly ordinary urban tourist behavior (such as coming back home late from a fun night out)? You might find that your specific situation makes it more helpful to offer a more specialized listing to a specific type of clientele than to offer a guestroom to the general public.


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Lula and Larry
Lula and Larrya year ago
Andrew, this troubles me. Besides the drunk-incident. A 2-yeard old's bedroom is open in the middle of the night and nobody notices until next day? Please, in no way I am passing judgement, not my intention, but this is serious. Is the Host leaving that door open (without any control or monitoring of the child's room) when hosting strangers in the House? Sure, we all find lovely guests, but they are still strangers. Maybe, having a baby monitor or some other way to monitor what happens around the child's room is necessary. Just my humble opinion.

Andrew
Andrewa year ago
It troubles me too. I really don't think there's a way to have strangers in your home with an unattended toddler that can reasonably be called safe, regardless of your policy on intoxication or on which rooms guests are allowed to enter.