Post by High Priestess on Sept 25, 2015 1:32:47 GMT
Difficult guests
I just hosted my first guests for 3 weeks. Big mistake!!! Three young men arrived and first they wanted to use our kitchen to cook meals, then they wanted to sit in our family room and watch our big screen TV ( they had TVs in both their rooms. The last straw was they expected to their laundry. No that was not the last. They invited people over for a barbecue before they even asked if it was okay.
I got upset and im very frustrated. I ran a bed and breakfast and it never had guests like these. Now my husband wants to quit hosting.
Has anyone else had people like this.
REply
Add those pet peeves into your house rules. Without explicitly stating that it wasn't allowed, the guests have no way of knowing what is permitted. Yes, they should have asked you but always assume that guests have no common sense at times.
Reply
Can I add too, more than writing it, you need to verbalize this upon check-in. Some clients just don't read write ups at all.
REply
I agree - all your expectations are house rules should be explicitly mentioned. The rooms I rent, for example, are located on the ground floor and there is no kitchen there. I'm not very comfortable sharing the kitchen with my guests, so I set up a kitchenette for then in that unit. I wrote explicitly that there is no formal kitchen and listed appliances that are in their unit. Most people coming to SF for a few nights are ok with it, since they go to restaurants anyway. Same goes about TV and permission to use BBQ...
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I've rewritten my description and house rules multiple times. A host has to have clearly defined boundaries. These might help:
Reply
Limited kitchen use to warm leftovers (or no kitchen use, seems extreme)
Family room is off limits to guests
No laundry
No unapproved guests or visitors
And probably only allowing short stays (a week max) due to the rules, then everyone is happy.
Reply
In our case - warming up leftovers is much easier in their unit, using a toaster oven or a microwave, which we provided. They don't need to go all the way upstairs and most of our guests don't even use those anyway. If you prefer that guests do not use kitchen and space permits, maybe it makes sense to have 1-2 basic appliances in their room?
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Ah, the ubiquitous rude guests! Sorry you were stuck with them for so long. I just looked at your (gorgeous) listing, and it under your Amenities it clearly indicates that a washer and dryer are not available, nor is a kitchen. Unless you've just changed it since the guests departed, it seems very clear to me that these are amenities are intentionally not offered.
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The main issue as Airbnb has become this juggernaut of a brand, that many guests just think of it as another platform to find accommodation. They are not interested in the fact they are entering a host's home. Many are perhaps used to booking dot com or platforms like that. Rarely do guests seems to read the precise details of a listing.
After several issues early on, I set our rigid house rules, I message guests the rules when they book in my 1st communication with them. Then I verbally go over everything when they check-in. If they still 'break' the rules, I approach them about it and try to resolve. Straight talking helps, and I remind them they will need to leave if they continue. It is kind of leaving it in their hands really. I.e smoking. Instead of just screaming, I state how we have regular guests who have allergies and we guarantee smok3 free rooms. I hope they can understand, or of course they can find alternative accommodation, blah, blah, blah, and no sorry, I will not offer a refund.
You have to set very rigid parameters and communicate with your guests exactly what you are comfortable with.
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I agree with everything D wrote, but would also add that since it is part of your home where they are staying, you have the opportunity to give them a "tour" at check in - doesn't have to take long, but gives you another opportunity to gently mention all the rules again. I never let guests get by, at checkin, with a quick "house tour"
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D, what you say is so true. There are probably a fair number of people who aren't interested in or adequately sensitive to the fact that they are entering someone's home.
I will give a couple examples of recent experiences I had. I received an inquiry from an individual who has a permanent job in my area, and who said " I'm a ____ worker who has lived in the city of ________for going on three months now. I've been "Airbnb'ing" my way around the city" (omissions to protect the individuals' privacy). So he is basically a permanent resident of my area, planning to stay in the area, who is choosing to live in a series of Airbnb listings instead of finding a permanent place to live. That is certainly one approach to using Airbnb, but it's not one that fits well with what I offer. It's one that begins to blur the boundaries between a permanent resident and a guest in a way that I am not comfortable with.
Another example of someone who can't even seem to grasp the difference between being a guest in someone's home versus being a resident in your very own apartment is seen in this message I received a couple days ago:
"Wow sad that you do not think that having friends brings tranquility. Maybe if you opened up your mind to other people you could find it. Or maybe you are just hiding behind that excuse to have hegemonic rules."
WHich is an extremely presumptuous and narrow minded view -- this individual is basically assuming that my having a rule stating that guests cannot bring visitors over means that I do not value friendship. It's essentially the view of someone who sees no difference between what they should be able to do in their own private permanent residence, their own apartment, versus what would be expected of them when they are a guest. There is also the extremely inappropriate view that a homeowner does not have the right to run their home the way they see fit, as this individual is conflating the situation of a homeowner in their private home with that of an entire society and its rulership. Again, the individual completely lacks the ability to understand the difference between being a guest in someone's home, and being a resident in their very own home/apartment, and greatly resents that someone wouldn't just let him do in THEIR HOME whatever he likes to do in HIS APARTMENT.
I present these as I think they are good examples of the kind of situation that we should watch out for as hosts. THough some hosts say to guests, "Please treat my home the way you would yours" or "please, make yourself at home" the fact is that we really want guests to understand that they are in OUR homes, not theirs, and there is a difference. Good guests understand and respect that difference.
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Deborah, did you respond, in any way, to these rude remarks by an inquirer?
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S-- I did not respond to the rude remarks. This individual was so very dismissive, and so self-righteous, that I had the sense there was no point in discussing anything -- it would be like trying to talk with someone who can't (and won't) hear a thing you are saying. As I saw it, the person was only interested in telling me off and dismissing me, not communicating, so I left him and his rudeness to Miss Karma.
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I agree and will also add that in vetting potential guests recently, I have discerned a distinct disregard for the guidelines and perameters of my listing and have had to decline reservation requests accordingly. One's acceptance metrics suffer for it, but it's a small price to pay for avoiding a glaring hassle barreling down the tracks.
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Deborah, I'm not surprised that you didn't respond, but just had to ask! You're always the voice of reason on the boards, so I can easily understand that you didn't respond! ;-)
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I wonder how many of these guest have ever actually been a guest in someone's home, in the traditional sense? I know here in CA people don't seem to do more than 'hang out'
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So you are hosting people for 3 weeks and they won't have access to a kitchen or laundry? So are they expected to eat out all the time and do laundry off-site? I'm sorry but if I was staying somewhere for three weeks I would expect to be able to do these things. I know you don't say that these things are available but it's not clear that they are not. If you don't want people to do this then I would suggest that you only host people up to a maximum of perhaps 4 days. I'm sorry that this experience wasn't pleasant for you but you will need to be more specific in your listing to get guests who are suitable for your requirements.
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I agree that this particular listing is well-suited for short-term stays.
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I would agree that 3 weeks might be a long time without access to laundry facilities...but it's your house & you can set the rules...(so sorry but we do not provide laundry services (or unlimited laundry services) for our guests--but there is a small street, 3 blocks away)....& also regarding the TV...
"OH....you want to watch this TV?? well, that's fine, but we're just going to start a Lawrence Welk marathon"...I hope you don't mind".....& watch them scatter...
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I actually don't think the absence of kitchen and laundry makes it a bad fit for long term stays.. It really depends on travelers. I just had a young couple renting a room for 4 weeks. I told them upfront that they won't have access to those and they confirmed they were ok with it. We have laundromat about a block away, lots of coffee shops and restaurants around. They just found a job in SF and needed a room while searching for a permanent place to rent. My room was very affordable and I also provided cleaning services and fresh linens and towels weekly. They had a great time (I think). They asked to have a toaster oven and they got it, that and a kettle was all they used.
Rent here in SF gets so expensive and a room without kitchen can serve as a temporary solution..
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It sounds like they may be a bad fit for the hosts, though.
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T's post brings up a good point. It depends on the guests and the hosts what works, makes a good fit, etc. The best we can do is communicate well (including before booking) and go with our gut feelings about acceptiing any group of guests....for everyone's sake.
I just hosted my first guests for 3 weeks. Big mistake!!! Three young men arrived and first they wanted to use our kitchen to cook meals, then they wanted to sit in our family room and watch our big screen TV ( they had TVs in both their rooms. The last straw was they expected to their laundry. No that was not the last. They invited people over for a barbecue before they even asked if it was okay.
I got upset and im very frustrated. I ran a bed and breakfast and it never had guests like these. Now my husband wants to quit hosting.
Has anyone else had people like this.
REply
Add those pet peeves into your house rules. Without explicitly stating that it wasn't allowed, the guests have no way of knowing what is permitted. Yes, they should have asked you but always assume that guests have no common sense at times.
Reply
Can I add too, more than writing it, you need to verbalize this upon check-in. Some clients just don't read write ups at all.
REply
I agree - all your expectations are house rules should be explicitly mentioned. The rooms I rent, for example, are located on the ground floor and there is no kitchen there. I'm not very comfortable sharing the kitchen with my guests, so I set up a kitchenette for then in that unit. I wrote explicitly that there is no formal kitchen and listed appliances that are in their unit. Most people coming to SF for a few nights are ok with it, since they go to restaurants anyway. Same goes about TV and permission to use BBQ...
Reply
I've rewritten my description and house rules multiple times. A host has to have clearly defined boundaries. These might help:
Reply
Limited kitchen use to warm leftovers (or no kitchen use, seems extreme)
Family room is off limits to guests
No laundry
No unapproved guests or visitors
And probably only allowing short stays (a week max) due to the rules, then everyone is happy.
Reply
In our case - warming up leftovers is much easier in their unit, using a toaster oven or a microwave, which we provided. They don't need to go all the way upstairs and most of our guests don't even use those anyway. If you prefer that guests do not use kitchen and space permits, maybe it makes sense to have 1-2 basic appliances in their room?
Reply
Ah, the ubiquitous rude guests! Sorry you were stuck with them for so long. I just looked at your (gorgeous) listing, and it under your Amenities it clearly indicates that a washer and dryer are not available, nor is a kitchen. Unless you've just changed it since the guests departed, it seems very clear to me that these are amenities are intentionally not offered.
Reply
The main issue as Airbnb has become this juggernaut of a brand, that many guests just think of it as another platform to find accommodation. They are not interested in the fact they are entering a host's home. Many are perhaps used to booking dot com or platforms like that. Rarely do guests seems to read the precise details of a listing.
After several issues early on, I set our rigid house rules, I message guests the rules when they book in my 1st communication with them. Then I verbally go over everything when they check-in. If they still 'break' the rules, I approach them about it and try to resolve. Straight talking helps, and I remind them they will need to leave if they continue. It is kind of leaving it in their hands really. I.e smoking. Instead of just screaming, I state how we have regular guests who have allergies and we guarantee smok3 free rooms. I hope they can understand, or of course they can find alternative accommodation, blah, blah, blah, and no sorry, I will not offer a refund.
You have to set very rigid parameters and communicate with your guests exactly what you are comfortable with.
Reply
I agree with everything D wrote, but would also add that since it is part of your home where they are staying, you have the opportunity to give them a "tour" at check in - doesn't have to take long, but gives you another opportunity to gently mention all the rules again. I never let guests get by, at checkin, with a quick "house tour"
Reply
D, what you say is so true. There are probably a fair number of people who aren't interested in or adequately sensitive to the fact that they are entering someone's home.
I will give a couple examples of recent experiences I had. I received an inquiry from an individual who has a permanent job in my area, and who said " I'm a ____ worker who has lived in the city of ________for going on three months now. I've been "Airbnb'ing" my way around the city" (omissions to protect the individuals' privacy). So he is basically a permanent resident of my area, planning to stay in the area, who is choosing to live in a series of Airbnb listings instead of finding a permanent place to live. That is certainly one approach to using Airbnb, but it's not one that fits well with what I offer. It's one that begins to blur the boundaries between a permanent resident and a guest in a way that I am not comfortable with.
Another example of someone who can't even seem to grasp the difference between being a guest in someone's home versus being a resident in your very own apartment is seen in this message I received a couple days ago:
"Wow sad that you do not think that having friends brings tranquility. Maybe if you opened up your mind to other people you could find it. Or maybe you are just hiding behind that excuse to have hegemonic rules."
WHich is an extremely presumptuous and narrow minded view -- this individual is basically assuming that my having a rule stating that guests cannot bring visitors over means that I do not value friendship. It's essentially the view of someone who sees no difference between what they should be able to do in their own private permanent residence, their own apartment, versus what would be expected of them when they are a guest. There is also the extremely inappropriate view that a homeowner does not have the right to run their home the way they see fit, as this individual is conflating the situation of a homeowner in their private home with that of an entire society and its rulership. Again, the individual completely lacks the ability to understand the difference between being a guest in someone's home, and being a resident in their very own home/apartment, and greatly resents that someone wouldn't just let him do in THEIR HOME whatever he likes to do in HIS APARTMENT.
I present these as I think they are good examples of the kind of situation that we should watch out for as hosts. THough some hosts say to guests, "Please treat my home the way you would yours" or "please, make yourself at home" the fact is that we really want guests to understand that they are in OUR homes, not theirs, and there is a difference. Good guests understand and respect that difference.
Reply
Deborah, did you respond, in any way, to these rude remarks by an inquirer?
Reply
S-- I did not respond to the rude remarks. This individual was so very dismissive, and so self-righteous, that I had the sense there was no point in discussing anything -- it would be like trying to talk with someone who can't (and won't) hear a thing you are saying. As I saw it, the person was only interested in telling me off and dismissing me, not communicating, so I left him and his rudeness to Miss Karma.
Reply
I agree and will also add that in vetting potential guests recently, I have discerned a distinct disregard for the guidelines and perameters of my listing and have had to decline reservation requests accordingly. One's acceptance metrics suffer for it, but it's a small price to pay for avoiding a glaring hassle barreling down the tracks.
Reply
Deborah, I'm not surprised that you didn't respond, but just had to ask! You're always the voice of reason on the boards, so I can easily understand that you didn't respond! ;-)
Reply
I wonder how many of these guest have ever actually been a guest in someone's home, in the traditional sense? I know here in CA people don't seem to do more than 'hang out'
Reply
So you are hosting people for 3 weeks and they won't have access to a kitchen or laundry? So are they expected to eat out all the time and do laundry off-site? I'm sorry but if I was staying somewhere for three weeks I would expect to be able to do these things. I know you don't say that these things are available but it's not clear that they are not. If you don't want people to do this then I would suggest that you only host people up to a maximum of perhaps 4 days. I'm sorry that this experience wasn't pleasant for you but you will need to be more specific in your listing to get guests who are suitable for your requirements.
Reply
I agree that this particular listing is well-suited for short-term stays.
Reply
I would agree that 3 weeks might be a long time without access to laundry facilities...but it's your house & you can set the rules...(so sorry but we do not provide laundry services (or unlimited laundry services) for our guests--but there is a small street, 3 blocks away)....& also regarding the TV...
"OH....you want to watch this TV?? well, that's fine, but we're just going to start a Lawrence Welk marathon"...I hope you don't mind".....& watch them scatter...
Reply
I actually don't think the absence of kitchen and laundry makes it a bad fit for long term stays.. It really depends on travelers. I just had a young couple renting a room for 4 weeks. I told them upfront that they won't have access to those and they confirmed they were ok with it. We have laundromat about a block away, lots of coffee shops and restaurants around. They just found a job in SF and needed a room while searching for a permanent place to rent. My room was very affordable and I also provided cleaning services and fresh linens and towels weekly. They had a great time (I think). They asked to have a toaster oven and they got it, that and a kettle was all they used.
Rent here in SF gets so expensive and a room without kitchen can serve as a temporary solution..
Reply
It sounds like they may be a bad fit for the hosts, though.
Reply
T's post brings up a good point. It depends on the guests and the hosts what works, makes a good fit, etc. The best we can do is communicate well (including before booking) and go with our gut feelings about acceptiing any group of guests....for everyone's sake.
