Post by High Priestess on Oct 30, 2015 15:40:50 GMT
Nancy shared Oct 30 2015
Please Help!
Hi guys,
I have been hosting for only a month and everything has been wonderful but I just want to know how you handle a guest that is being uncomfortably inappropriate with you? I'm unsure if I should call Airbnb. I do not feel safe leaving my door unlocked at night because this guest is too touchy feely. Also, he doesn't speak English that well, is an older gentlemen and he is overbearing. It's like I have a baby and not a guest. I work super early (5am CST) in the morning and I do not always have the time dedicated to basically taking care of EVERY need of the guest. I'm very helpful and most guests are self sufficient but this guest is a handful. Not sure what to do or what is allowed.
Melanie
I think you have every right to ask your guest to either behave like a gentleman or to leave. I would let Airbnb know about him and his behaviour. What an awful experience for you. Hope you get it sorted.
Nancy
Thank you Melanie for your advice. I'm really upset because I feel duped. He had someone else book his reservation and I was under the impression that he was here for business and a trustworthy gentlemen. I do not feel completely safe and I've had male guests in the past.
Melanie
Nancy how long is he booked to stay? The last thing any host wants or needs is to feel uncomfortable in their own home. The fact that someone else booked his reservation is alarming too what is he hiding. I think gif your safety and peace of mind I would ask him to leave. I am sure others here would agree with me.
Nancy
Melanie, he is scheduled to leave tomorrow (thank goodnes, I'm sorry to say that). His reservation was for 2 days and the moment that he got into town yesterday he was overbearing. He did not communicate prior to his arrival after my attempts to get his arrival time so I can be there. Also, he demanded me to hurry up when he called because he was standing outside. However, since his lack of communication I did not know when he was coming and decided to accommodate my last guest by giving him a ride to the train station. He told me that he had his friend book his stay at my house. He continues to talk about how happy he is staying with such a beautiful woman in a room so close to his. He's kissed my hand, put his arm around me and laid on my shoulder and keeps on touching me unnecessarily. I've had friendly and appreciative guest in the past but this guy is crossing the line that it is giving me the creeps. I do not think I can deal with him all day/night once I arrive home from work. Since I start at 5am, I get off at 9:30am which leaves me at home most of the day. He is not that skilled on the English language and doesn't seem to comprehend things. I feel stuck with him. Like he potentially might not ever leave since he is so incompetent with managing on his own. Ugh! This is such a frustrating situation.
Queenie & Ted (queenie&ted)
You should contact airbnb and let them know that he is a 3rd party guest and you don't feel safe (if that is true). This is why 3rd party bookings are not allowed by airbnb - you end up not knowing anything about the person staying in your home.
You do have the option of telling him to behave if he wants to finish out his stay and if you are willing to have him. But please make safety your first concern.
Nancy
You're completely right about Safety First! Thank you Queenie & Ted.
Melanie
I had not heard of 3rd party guests before. Certainly a red flag for poor Nancy.
Rosanne
Your profile picture is beautiful but maybe a bit too pinup for a Host. You dont want guests to get the wrong idea. You may want to cover up a bit and even have a guy (boyfriend?) pose with you so you are sending out the message you are taken and not looking for a male companion. Single female hosting is difficult - you want the guest to know right away you have a boyfriend.
Nancy
Ok. I will change my picture but honestly I have not had any problems in the past. I'm in media and I'm 5'10 and look like a model...I will look attractive in pictures no matter what. Sorry.. not trying to sound conceded just being honest.
Jeannette (jvo)
Your new pic is MUCH better. You don't want bare arms, side profile, chest out, big smile pix ... the one you have now (just clicked) works very well IIMO.
Nancy
Thanks for your feedback Jeannette. Although, I do not think that my picture has much to do with it because he actually brought that up last night and said something like I look much better in person and when he saw my picture he really couldn't tell. So regardless of the picture, a person will still have thoughts in their mind. I'm not opposed to the idea of my last picture possibly sending the wrong message, that's why I changed it. We'll see how this goes with the new picture... in the meantime he is still in my house so I need to figure out the best way to handle the issue there.
Rosanne
I dont think 100 % of your guest will try to put the move on you, but its always that one that you dont want!
BTW the new pic is very nice.
Rosanne
And - how many past "dirty old men" have you had stay there? haha...Do you often get single male guests? I know from reading the Forum, many single female hosts prefer couples or single females.
Nancy:
Rosanne, yea you're right. Lol. It's always that one! Yuck! He is my first dirty old man. I've had 3 single young male guests and they were no problem at all. Respectful, honest and quiet. I generally screen males a little harder than females before accepting. Since he had someone else responding to my messages on Airbnb then it became misleading. I'm now certain I was speaking to someone else ... he had a foreign number so it was hard for me to reach him. Plus he doesn't seem to know how to use the phone or modern technology well.
Rachel
Nancy, I did not see your old photo - the only one I can see is the one that is next to your last comment. It's a sad world when people who are as pretty as you are have to pay the price for it in this way. This man sounds like an absolute creep and I would not have him in my house for one moment longer. Get on to Airbnb, tell them what he's been up to and boot him out asap. Don't feel bad about it, just get on and do it - who knows what else he may have up his sleeve. If you have a male friend, get him round as soon as you can and keep him there until this awful bloke has gone.
Mary and David
He's a creeper for sure! I agree that, as a 3rd party guest, you could have booted him that first night. As it stands, he's gone soon - but I would certainly tell him not to touch you and to respect your personal space.
Kristi (Kristi)
Nancy, were all in this learning curve thing.....I would have said NO when I heard it was a 3rd party booking. But then I had this guy bug me prior to booking and he changed his story so many time. The money looked tempting but I declined him and I am so thankful. Were all learning and I will take your experience to heart. Its hard to feel unsettled in your own home.
C C (CC)
When you hit him with a frying pan, you are more likely to connect, no matter the size or shape of his head. With a Louisville Slugger, you might miss.
Deborah (High Priestess)
CC always has a very effective deterrent against creeps, somewhere in her kitchen or broom closet!
Deborah (High Priestess)
I agree with all the good advice you are being given here -- this kind of thing has unfortunately happened to many women hosts (and a few men too!!) and it can make us as the host very uncomfortable to have this happen in our own home.
Attractive hosts shouldn't have to apologize for their looks, or try to hide, but it does help ALL hosts to have a profile photo that is professional looking, without revealing attire or suggestive poses or inciting glances. I have seen a few host profile photos which depict a couple of people turned away from the camera and kissing, or a host sticking out their tongue -- these are not professional. (IMHO, Hosts embracing in a G-rated style is quite fine -- when in doubt, ask if the photo is appropriate for children to view.)
Anyhow, if a guest is "inappropriate" with you in a physical way, this is sexual harassment, and it is totally unacceptable, and is grounds for demanding that the guest leave your house immediately. Keep in mind that there may be some cultural differences involved, and in some cultures for instance, touching a person's hand to get their attention, may be common. But most hosts, particularly women who are usually quite oriented to be intuitive about inappropriate sexual advances, will have an intuition or "gut sense" about what is really going on, and whether it's a matter of cultural difference or sexual harassment.
WHen guest is engaging in sexual harassment, I suggest calling Airbnb right away. HEre's some info on how to contact Airbnb customer service: globalhosting.freeforums.net/board/21/contact-info-airbnb-customer-service
Then, after contacting Airbnb and telling them you plan to ask the guest to leave, ask the guest to leave. Often Airbnb will find a new place for them to stay. No one should have to be afraid of a guest in their own home, or made to feel gross by a guest engaging in sexual harassment or inappropriate touching.
Please Help!
Hi guys,
I have been hosting for only a month and everything has been wonderful but I just want to know how you handle a guest that is being uncomfortably inappropriate with you? I'm unsure if I should call Airbnb. I do not feel safe leaving my door unlocked at night because this guest is too touchy feely. Also, he doesn't speak English that well, is an older gentlemen and he is overbearing. It's like I have a baby and not a guest. I work super early (5am CST) in the morning and I do not always have the time dedicated to basically taking care of EVERY need of the guest. I'm very helpful and most guests are self sufficient but this guest is a handful. Not sure what to do or what is allowed.
Melanie
I think you have every right to ask your guest to either behave like a gentleman or to leave. I would let Airbnb know about him and his behaviour. What an awful experience for you. Hope you get it sorted.
Nancy
Thank you Melanie for your advice. I'm really upset because I feel duped. He had someone else book his reservation and I was under the impression that he was here for business and a trustworthy gentlemen. I do not feel completely safe and I've had male guests in the past.
Melanie
Nancy how long is he booked to stay? The last thing any host wants or needs is to feel uncomfortable in their own home. The fact that someone else booked his reservation is alarming too what is he hiding. I think gif your safety and peace of mind I would ask him to leave. I am sure others here would agree with me.
Nancy
Melanie, he is scheduled to leave tomorrow (thank goodnes, I'm sorry to say that). His reservation was for 2 days and the moment that he got into town yesterday he was overbearing. He did not communicate prior to his arrival after my attempts to get his arrival time so I can be there. Also, he demanded me to hurry up when he called because he was standing outside. However, since his lack of communication I did not know when he was coming and decided to accommodate my last guest by giving him a ride to the train station. He told me that he had his friend book his stay at my house. He continues to talk about how happy he is staying with such a beautiful woman in a room so close to his. He's kissed my hand, put his arm around me and laid on my shoulder and keeps on touching me unnecessarily. I've had friendly and appreciative guest in the past but this guy is crossing the line that it is giving me the creeps. I do not think I can deal with him all day/night once I arrive home from work. Since I start at 5am, I get off at 9:30am which leaves me at home most of the day. He is not that skilled on the English language and doesn't seem to comprehend things. I feel stuck with him. Like he potentially might not ever leave since he is so incompetent with managing on his own. Ugh! This is such a frustrating situation.
Queenie & Ted (queenie&ted)
You should contact airbnb and let them know that he is a 3rd party guest and you don't feel safe (if that is true). This is why 3rd party bookings are not allowed by airbnb - you end up not knowing anything about the person staying in your home.
You do have the option of telling him to behave if he wants to finish out his stay and if you are willing to have him. But please make safety your first concern.
Nancy
You're completely right about Safety First! Thank you Queenie & Ted.
Melanie
I had not heard of 3rd party guests before. Certainly a red flag for poor Nancy.
Rosanne
Your profile picture is beautiful but maybe a bit too pinup for a Host. You dont want guests to get the wrong idea. You may want to cover up a bit and even have a guy (boyfriend?) pose with you so you are sending out the message you are taken and not looking for a male companion. Single female hosting is difficult - you want the guest to know right away you have a boyfriend.
Nancy
Ok. I will change my picture but honestly I have not had any problems in the past. I'm in media and I'm 5'10 and look like a model...I will look attractive in pictures no matter what. Sorry.. not trying to sound conceded just being honest.
Jeannette (jvo)
Your new pic is MUCH better. You don't want bare arms, side profile, chest out, big smile pix ... the one you have now (just clicked) works very well IIMO.
Nancy
Thanks for your feedback Jeannette. Although, I do not think that my picture has much to do with it because he actually brought that up last night and said something like I look much better in person and when he saw my picture he really couldn't tell. So regardless of the picture, a person will still have thoughts in their mind. I'm not opposed to the idea of my last picture possibly sending the wrong message, that's why I changed it. We'll see how this goes with the new picture... in the meantime he is still in my house so I need to figure out the best way to handle the issue there.
Rosanne
I dont think 100 % of your guest will try to put the move on you, but its always that one that you dont want!
BTW the new pic is very nice.
Rosanne
And - how many past "dirty old men" have you had stay there? haha...Do you often get single male guests? I know from reading the Forum, many single female hosts prefer couples or single females.
Nancy:
Rosanne, yea you're right. Lol. It's always that one! Yuck! He is my first dirty old man. I've had 3 single young male guests and they were no problem at all. Respectful, honest and quiet. I generally screen males a little harder than females before accepting. Since he had someone else responding to my messages on Airbnb then it became misleading. I'm now certain I was speaking to someone else ... he had a foreign number so it was hard for me to reach him. Plus he doesn't seem to know how to use the phone or modern technology well.
Rachel
Nancy, I did not see your old photo - the only one I can see is the one that is next to your last comment. It's a sad world when people who are as pretty as you are have to pay the price for it in this way. This man sounds like an absolute creep and I would not have him in my house for one moment longer. Get on to Airbnb, tell them what he's been up to and boot him out asap. Don't feel bad about it, just get on and do it - who knows what else he may have up his sleeve. If you have a male friend, get him round as soon as you can and keep him there until this awful bloke has gone.
Mary and David
He's a creeper for sure! I agree that, as a 3rd party guest, you could have booted him that first night. As it stands, he's gone soon - but I would certainly tell him not to touch you and to respect your personal space.
Kristi (Kristi)
Nancy, were all in this learning curve thing.....I would have said NO when I heard it was a 3rd party booking. But then I had this guy bug me prior to booking and he changed his story so many time. The money looked tempting but I declined him and I am so thankful. Were all learning and I will take your experience to heart. Its hard to feel unsettled in your own home.
C C (CC)
When you hit him with a frying pan, you are more likely to connect, no matter the size or shape of his head. With a Louisville Slugger, you might miss.
Deborah (High Priestess)
CC always has a very effective deterrent against creeps, somewhere in her kitchen or broom closet!
Deborah (High Priestess)
I agree with all the good advice you are being given here -- this kind of thing has unfortunately happened to many women hosts (and a few men too!!) and it can make us as the host very uncomfortable to have this happen in our own home.
Attractive hosts shouldn't have to apologize for their looks, or try to hide, but it does help ALL hosts to have a profile photo that is professional looking, without revealing attire or suggestive poses or inciting glances. I have seen a few host profile photos which depict a couple of people turned away from the camera and kissing, or a host sticking out their tongue -- these are not professional. (IMHO, Hosts embracing in a G-rated style is quite fine -- when in doubt, ask if the photo is appropriate for children to view.)
Anyhow, if a guest is "inappropriate" with you in a physical way, this is sexual harassment, and it is totally unacceptable, and is grounds for demanding that the guest leave your house immediately. Keep in mind that there may be some cultural differences involved, and in some cultures for instance, touching a person's hand to get their attention, may be common. But most hosts, particularly women who are usually quite oriented to be intuitive about inappropriate sexual advances, will have an intuition or "gut sense" about what is really going on, and whether it's a matter of cultural difference or sexual harassment.
WHen guest is engaging in sexual harassment, I suggest calling Airbnb right away. HEre's some info on how to contact Airbnb customer service: globalhosting.freeforums.net/board/21/contact-info-airbnb-customer-service
Then, after contacting Airbnb and telling them you plan to ask the guest to leave, ask the guest to leave. Often Airbnb will find a new place for them to stay. No one should have to be afraid of a guest in their own home, or made to feel gross by a guest engaging in sexual harassment or inappropriate touching.