|
Post by 66bobcat on Feb 1, 2016 21:55:47 GMT
Hi Everyone! I need suggestions how to handle this situation.
I have a guest staying with us who's reservation is for 2 weeks. (He is supposed to leave on Friday which is 4 days from now.) Before he booked, he asked if he might be able to extend his stay by a few days. His reason- He is closing on a new home on Friday, in the area, but if for some reason it get's postponed by a few days would that be a problem? At that point, I told him that if he needs to extend his reservation, that he may book the days through the Airbnb site. ------ So he came and everything has been going relatively well. I have been tolerating the slight mess he leaves on the counter after he eats and the not taking his shoes off at the door. (Even though house rules state to clean up after yourself in the kitchen and to take your shoes off as you enter the house) Other than that he has been overall pleasant, easygoing and easy to get along with. BUT, last night he REALLY overstepped the line.
He works in the area and had the day off yesterday. Throughout the day we would hear him yelling and swearing on the phone. OK everyone gets upset. The door was closed and it hasn't happened before. He did not emerge from his room until 7PM. When he did come down, he looked a mess, hadn't showered, dressed in an undershirt and sweatpants, his eyes were glassy and tired and I could smell alcohol on him. He sat at the table with us and ate 2 pieces of toast. At this point, I am still ok with the situation. Everyone has a bad day. The real problems started after dinner.
I left the table, changed the baby into her pjs and sat on the couch with her to nurse for bed. I am very discrete about it, you would not know I was nursing her unless you are right next to me. It looks like I am just holding her very close. Plus the lights were dimmed. Our guest walks by, heading back up to his room, looks at me and stops to ask if I am nursing her? I say "yes" and he replies "that is wonderful, so healthy for children" Then instead of continuing on back up to his room, he walks closer to me and stops with his knees about 6 inches from mine and is staring down at us. He asks if she is sleeping or eating? I said, "a little bit of both" then he reaches down and touches her cheek. This was not ok, so I told him. "Please do not touch her, she is trying to sleep." He did take his hand away but continued to stand there and stare. About a minute later, he turns away and I think he is finally heading back up to his room, but no! He sits down on the couch next to me and continues to stare at us! Now, I am getting REALLY uncomfortable with the situation so I excuse myself and tell him that I am going into the bedroom to put her to bed.
All of this, I would have been able to forgive and move on. I'd chalk it up to him having a little too much to drink and since it hadn't happened before, I would talk to him in the morning, when he was sober and tell him that it was NOT OK. But, unfortunately, it didn't stop there.
I went into the bedroom and closed the door. About 5 min. later as I am lying in bed with the baby I hear the door quietly open. I think nothing of it since, i figured it was my husband. Suddenly, I hear our guest saying my name! I flip over to see him standing to the right of the bed looking into the master bathroom. I asked him. "Is everything ok?" I am freaked out that he is there but more worried that something is truly the matter. He says, "No, I was just coming in to see if you were ok." (WTF!?!?!) Then he asked "Is it ok that I come in here?" I said "NO! This is our private space and guests are not aloud in our bedroom" He turns around and leaves. Even this, I might, MIGHT have been able to forgive. BUT, 5 min. later, he comes in again! This time, he just walks through my bedroom door, (didn't knock) and asks "Is it ok for me to do a load of laundry?" (WTF again!?!?!) This time my husband was right on his tail and told him firmly, that "Guests ARE NOT aloud in our bedroom, I am sitting right out here at the kitchen table. If you have a question, you need to come ask me." He then escorted him out of the room.
Even if I have had something to drink, I would never, NEVER enter into another persons private bedroom, without their permission! Nor would I do it without knocking. And who does it a 2nd time when they have been told that it is not aloud. This to me is just TOO MUCH. The door was closed, If he needed something he should have asked my husband or knocked and asked through the door. It was 9pm at night. And why the hell does he need to know if I am ok? What kind of excuse is that?
I am not sure what I need to do in this situation. I really don't feel comfortable with him here. I am positive this happened because he was drinking and not thinking straight. But it is still unacceptable that he came into my bedroom, unannounced And twice, none the less! We need to talk to him tonight when he gets home from work. What do I say? Do I need to contact Airbnb? There is no way in Hell I will let him extend his stay past Friday. I might consider letting him stay till Friday as long as he promises, not to drink and he understands that he may not, ever, under any circumstances enter my room. But right now, I don't feel comfortable in my home, with him here and my husband being at work.
Suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
|
|
|
Post by becks on Feb 2, 2016 0:34:09 GMT
Short answer, which I'm sure you already know, HE NEEDS TO GO. If you are not comfortable with telling him yourself, call Airbnb and discuss the situation. It is unacceptable behaviour. One transgression, ok. But what you describe is beyond any reasonable justification. Stay strong and just focus on getting him out asap. Call Airbnb. Do you have the number?
|
|
|
Post by 66bobcat on Feb 2, 2016 1:18:51 GMT
Can you send me the number? Thanks!
|
|
|
Post by High Priestess on Feb 2, 2016 2:05:06 GMT
HI Bobcat, here is a board on this forum which has several posts on it with how to contact Airbnb:
globalhosting.freeforums.net/board/21/contact-info-airbnb-customer-service
Yes, you definitely need to evict this guest immediately. The eviction really should have been done when he first became intoxicated in your home -- I think you need a rule (if you don't have one already) stating that guests cannot be intoxicated on your premises. ANd a rule stating that significant violations of house rules will result in immediate termination of the reservation and forfeiture of all fees paid.
It helps to call Airbnb when you are evicting someone so that you have support from them in doing so. If it is night where you are, give him to morning to leave. If it is morning now, give him about 4-6 hrs to leave. If it is noon, tell him he needs to leave by 8pm. But get him out, as his behavior is very inappropriate. let us know how it goes.
|
|
|
Post by salvia on Feb 2, 2016 11:36:08 GMT
66bobcat I truly hope that your guest understood that his violation of privacy was absolutely severe and serious once he was sober and you could confront him. I hope that he understood and accepted that he had to leave because your "host-guest relationship" is totally spoiled, ruined and it would be intolerable for you to let him stay - even if he is apologetic and swears that it would not happen again. None of you could relax after this incident. Stress plus alcohol can be such a toxic combination. I am sorry that this happened to you and causes you major stress. I hope that the termination of his stay can be processed without further problems.
|
|
|
Post by becks on Feb 5, 2016 1:24:41 GMT
So, any news bobcat? Please update when you can. I have not yet had such an experience but it's so useful to everyone to know how these things end up. Hope all well.
|
|
|
Post by 66bobcat on Feb 5, 2016 20:11:09 GMT
Hi Everyone! He is GONE! It took longer than I hoped. On Monday night, I contacted Airbnb about the situation as soon as I got the number off the link listed in the above post by Deborah. The lady I talked to seemed nice and transferred my info to the trip specialist team who deals with these situations. She said due to the time of night, he would probably email me and call on tuesday morning. OK, fine. (the guest was already upstairs and asleep) Once I got off the phone, I sent our guest an email over the Airbnb site explaining the situation and what needed to happen and that I have been in contact with Airbnb and they are aware of the situation. The next morning (Tuesday) our guest was up and out of the house, to go to his work, before we were out of bed. I looked for an email, from Airbnb, but had received nothing. I called Airbnb back. I talked with another woman and explained the whole situation again. She was more helpful than the first and said that she did not see any notes on my account about the conversation I had had with someone the night before. So she set me up with a new specialist and assured me that they would contact me within a few hours, either by email or phone. (it was slightly frustrating to hear that I needed to wait again to talk to someone who could help with this situation) I do receive an email later Tuesday afternoon. He stated who he was and that he was there to help if i needed him to. He had reviewed the notes on the account and my email to the guest and said, at this time he feels my email is sufficient and that he will not contact the guest unless there is a need to. If I need him for any reason, please reply to this email or call back and ask for him. (there is no phone number in the email) We were out late on Tuesday night and we didn't return home until about 11:30pm. We were hoping that the guest had read the email and removed himself before we got home, but no such luck. I did got a notification stating that Peter (our guest) had sent me an email. (around 10:30pm) It stated. "Please understand that I am truly sorry for my behavior. I never meant to offend you or your husband in anyway. Please understand that I am going through a personal crisis right now. I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 8 years. I would really like to talk to you about about it." I replied that "Personal crisis and/or intoxication in no way justifies or makes your behavior acceptable. We are extremely unconformable with you in our home and you need to leave immediately." We pull into our driveway, and his car is parked and the lights are off in the upstairs room where he is staying. We entered quietly since we did not want to deal with him at 11:30pm and I had already replied to him over the official site anyway. Everything was quiet for about 5-10 min. then, we start to hear loud wailing and crying coming from his room. It continued for about 15 min. then stopped as abruptly as it had begun. I feel that this was not true crying and was a show put on for our benefit. I think Peter wanted us to feel sorry for him and his crisis/situation and come up and knock and see if he was ok. We did not do this since we expected him to be out the next morning. Once again, (Wednesday morning) Peter was up and out of the house, to go to work, before we were out of bed. I called Airbnb, again and asked to be put in contact with my specialist. I had to explain the situation to a new woman and go through it all AGAIN. I am put on hold while she tries to contact my specialist, she comes back on the line to state that she cannot get ahold of him and has sent him a message to contract me as soon as he gets back. He may be on break or out to lunch. (at 10AM??) Anyway, fine, I am now waiting for someone to get back to me again. While I am patiently waiting for this specialist to call me back, my guest returns home and I am there by myself with the baby. He comes over and sits on the couch and starts to tell me how sorry he is and the whole nine yards. I tell him, that I am extremely uncomfortable with him there and he needs to leave. He ignores this and continues on explaining that because of his situation, the only way he can "medicate" himself is through alcohol and that is why he got drunk on Sunday night and that is why he did the things he did. He also proceeds to tell me that because he is sexually attracted to me and saw me breast feeding he was extremely turned on and that is another reason he acted the way he did! I was completely disgusted at this point and getting increasingly upset. He then has the balls to ask me "How does my husband feel about the situation?" WTF! Apparently, because I am a woman, my opinion doesn't count. I said, my husband is pissed and you need to leave! To which he says he is tired and is going upstairs to go to bed and will apologize to my husband when he gets home that night. I am guessing that since I am a woman he won't leave unless he is told by a man? I said a lot of things to him but none of them seem to register. There is another part of the saga that I have forgot to mention. Peter decided to do some laundry in his drunkin state on Sunday evening. It had been sitting wet in the washer since Sunday night. (it's was now wednesday afternoon) In every email I have sent to him, I have told him to remove it so that it does not start to mildew and smell. He asked me during our conversation/argument if he could hold off on his laundry till tomorrow (Thursday) which is his day off! I said absolutely not! You have had 3 days now to finish up. Get your laundry out of the machine and get out! After our conversation/argument, he proceeds to head upstairs to bed even though I have told him to get the laundry out of my machine and leave! Nothing I say or write seems to register with this man. About an hour later, I have heard nothing back from my specialist at Airbnb so I call AGAIN! I have to talk to another woman and go through everything again and all the new that has happened. I tell her I NEED to TALK to a specialist since mine must have the day off since he has not contacted me. She talks to a supervisor and they put a new specialist on the case. I get a new email from this new specialist and he says that he will contact the guest. Peter, sleeps through the night and the next morning is still sleeping. I have now sent 2 more emails stating that he is being evicted and needs to leave the house by 4pm. He eventually wakes up and reads the emails and decided to remove his laundry from the machine and "leaves the house" at 4pm. Mind you he has not vacated the room, just left the house. Not only have I wrote him emails, my new specialist (who I still only get emails from even though I specifically request to talk to him by phone) has contacted him and left messages and emails as well. Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't. I don't know because the specialist has never called to talk to me. I have been in my room with the door locked, with the baby while I was home between 1-4PM since I know he "medicates" himself with alcohol and finds me sexually attractive. As soon as he left the house at 4pm and I discover that he has not vacated the room, I write a note and post it on his door and send him a text message on his phone stating YOU ARE BEEING EVICTEd!!!! You may NOT spend another night in our home! You must leave immediately or authorities will be called! I go back in my room and wait. 20 min. later, he knocks on my door and wants to talk. I tell him NO, He needs to pack up and leave. He tries to apologize again and tells me he has no place to go. I told him, (I don't care, there are plenty of hotels down the road.) I'll pay you extra money, please let me stay another night. (absolutely not) I have no place to put my things. (Not my problem) I'm so tired, I don't have the energy to carry my things into the hotel (Then leave them in your car, not my problem) I don't want them to get stolen if I leave them in my car! (Then take them into the hotel, Not my problem) I took my laundry out of the machine like you asked, i have apologized to you, isn't there something I can do? (NO you need to leave immediately, or I will call the police.) OK, I'll leave. I'm sorry it turned out this way. FINALLY, I start to hear him lugging his suitcase and things down the stairs and out the door! about 15min. later he knocks on the door and says he is finished. I tell him to leave the key on the counter and let himself out. he did. As soon as I saw the headlights pull out of the driveway, I locked the front door and breathed a sigh of relief! It has been the most 4 stressful days I have had in a LONG TIME!
My final thoughts on this, 1. The Airbnb help center, is a great idea, but isn't that much help. Or at least it wasn't in my recent situation. --No specialist ever called me, even when I specifically requested them to do so. --If a specialist is taking the day off, I feel the cases he is monitoring should be switched over to another specialist while he is off so that what happened to me does not happen to someone else. --The specialist also needs to have/give a phone number to call them directly if there is a problem. Their emails all state that you can call and ask to talk to them, but it does not work this way. --Hosts should not have to call the general line and have to explain the situation over again to a new person each time they call after the first time. As I said above if there was a phone line directly to your specialist, this would not be a problem. --The people at the central office should be able to directly connect you to your specialist since there is no direct line to contact/call them. Currently, you are put on hold while they send the specialist a message and then you are told you have to wait for the specialist to contact you. (in my case, this was always by email) -- I find this current system not very efficient. 2. I have hosted some really lovely people and this guy seemed to be ok. At first. I suppose that we will all experience a non-ideal guest at some point. We as hosts must be ever vigilant about talking to the guests before hand to try and spot the wolves before they can enter our home. 3. I have updated my house rules and if someone isn't following them, then I will be more strict in the future. (I haven't had a problem with any guest before this one.) 4. I will be changing the locks on my front door to a code system so that I can delete the code after the guest has left. (just in case)
|
|
|
Post by Maria Lurdes (Milu) on Feb 5, 2016 21:07:50 GMT
The lack of support is terrible. Having to continue calling, continue explaining and re-explaining, all while you've got this nutjob in your apartment. I'm glad you've seen the back of him.
|
|
|
Post by High Priestess on Feb 5, 2016 23:32:09 GMT
Thanks for letting us know the outcome of this, Bobcat. What a DISGUSTING guest -- yuck!!
It's a shame that Airbnb can't be more helpful -- what you describe has happened to many hosts. Not all but many. Some hosts manage to get someone skilled on the line right away, but in most cases it seems there is an interminable amount of handing off the problem to someone else before there is even any definitive statement. I totally agree that traumatized and stressed out hosts should not have to tell their story over and over 4 or 5 times. It's ridiculous. And the first person you spoke with didn't even write any notes down --- no record of the conversation. For shame!
It's generally much better to get support from Airbnb when in the process of evicting someone, but if they are doing/saying the kinds of things this guest did, you can really evict them without any help from Airbnb. People cannot sexually harass you in your home and expect to stay there! Horrible!
It's a good thing for all hosts to have fairly strict rules (many hosts don't see the need to have those until an incident occurs) and to have a code lock that you can reset after each guest. Very good plans.
|
|
|
Post by becks on Feb 6, 2016 19:42:11 GMT
What a saga, bobcat. I'm appalled at the lack of support you had. Please give some strong feedback when you get that email asking 'how did they do' on your case. Well done for standing up for yourself and getting him out. I guess that mother tiger instinct came into play!
|
|
|
Post by apricotnelli on Feb 7, 2016 8:56:22 GMT
I am horrified by your experience and the lack of support from airbnb. I dont think more rules help with this. This guy was out of line rules or no rules. He made you feel uncomfortable in your home, came into your bedroom twice (get him out straight away), told you he found you sexually attractive ...............and didnt leave when he was asked to. You cant have nor do you need rules for everything. This was unacceptable behaviour on his part and on airbnbs in not getting him out.
|
|
|
Post by salvia on Feb 8, 2016 17:24:23 GMT
66bobcat: Bravo and brave that you handled it! I am glad that he is GONE!!! I have seen this pattern "I am sorry but nothing-filed", "hold-thel-line, I reach out "( Expression starts to make me sick...), "case manager (?) is out for lunch/the day but will contact you asap" but nothing happens very often in host stories like this. (Anybody remembers the terrible story of the host in London when criminal guests guest trashed his place and broke into into his appartment while he was there? He was soo abandoned by airbnb -at the crucial beginning to cope with this seroius incident! Nothing happened for hours and days.) Almost more appaling than out-of-line guests in my opinion! I had nothing but good guests but I decided a while ago to have my plan B in case I have to get rid off a bullying or threatening guest and cant do it myself. I investigated the legal consequences if I would call the police in case I feel threatened and in case Airbnb would let me down. Here in CH, if I would call the police because there is a risk of violence, theft or harassment they would come, ask him to leave and escort him out of the door. No matter that guest paid! This is my "domestic authority"! Even if a guest argues against it he/she HAS to leave. Guests ID would be filed. I get the name and number of the police officer as a reference for airbnb and would COMMAND that they cancel the rest of the stay, remove his review possibility in case guest kicks and screams afterwards. They can take their time to deal with it then... There would be no official police report or "case" yet but I am pretty sure it should be enough to prove seriousness. Of course a guest is free to press charges against me or airbnb but honestly who would do that and run financial and other risks? I have "lawyer insurance" and Therefore I am not afraid of legal fight. In a serious case the most important thing is to get rid off the "risk element" (if de- escalation techniques have been tried). I am usually very forgiving and always look for harmony but if you push too hard I am prepared.
|
|
|
Post by helgaparis on Feb 8, 2016 22:14:41 GMT
What a sorry story ! Glad he left finally and did not try any more. He must be a serious nutcase to get aroused by a nourishing women and to dare tell you so with a husband at hand. I did not need support from airbnb often, but I got a few call backs. Probably the CS people feel at sea with sexual harassment. What I really do not get is how he dared to intrude into your room with your husband around. What if your husband gets violent? Whatever he did would pass as self defense or defense of wife and baby.
I had a guy or two showing up at the table in less then correct dress. I react so horrified, needs no acting and is clearly not faked, that they get dressed in record time. It's so sad that some people have no shame and make you reconsider what you can offer. Stay kind as you are and don't let it spoil the pleasure of hosting.
|
|